In a dystopian 1984-esque present day, a regular guy thinks he's a supervillain hunted by a secret government organisation and believes it to be true, and here's a book of his delusions. Go read.
The sequel to Get Him!
I think my voices check back on me sometimes to make sure I stay insane.
Me and my minions had some enlightening conversations yesterday. We decided to talk as a party. We were in the shower staring out of one set of eyes.
I have a twitchy eyelid because I'd hypnotised myself back at the asylum and the effects haven't completely worn off. I think it's a trigger to wink.
Anyways I thought I'd call them my collaborators, but then I'd regretted it, but now I believe that I have co-conspirators.
We exchanged nice feelings and some words.
I am afraid of hearing silence.
SANITY IS AN ILLNESS.
You're thick.
Indeed! Thick, because thinking of the voices being in the prescribed way, SAY IT SO THAT IT DOESN'T HURT, it hurts, it fucking hurts. Yeah, thinking of them as a FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION the pain here is fucking unbearable.
Hahahaha background laughter. NOT my imagination. It's an extension of my mind. It's the same as calling MYSELF, meaning the main one, and my psyche, my own existence, a figment of my imagination. Don't be stupid. Maybe we all imagine ourselves.
I'm crying so hard my head hurts because I am afraid of hearing nothing. Sure I heard something just now. Reassuring.
I WILL DRIVE MYSELF INSANE. It's not insanity, it's sanity. It's insanity. It's BETTER.
I will practice daily to make it permanent until it becomes second nature and I stop thinking about it.
I'm really scared now because the voices in my head are fainter.
I know that I can get them back eventually. I have an imagination, a very good imagination, and I'm sure I can bend worlds with it. I just need to build the right mindset.
Why are they getting quieter. This is fucking traumatising.
I know they get quiet sometimes. They usually return.
[he] knows this.
I have the transcript recorded so I can reimagine it if I need to. I will record the transcript EVERY DAY.
See I'm sure we're getting better, we had a conversation yesterday and it was like a continuation of my normal thoughts...
...
No, it was a CONVERSATION.
But at the end of it, one of the voices said something like "you're not mental."
I REFUSED IT! I REFUSE IT!
YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY FROM ME!!1
Yeah, this was a private comment to my thoughts. I'm typing it here, for myself, and any other part of myself, who reads it in the future.
The previous voice I wrote had the start faded out, that's why I stuck the "he" in the square brackets. That's fucking depressing.
They increased in volume when I was confident that I can keep them. Exactly. EXACTLY. IT'S ABOUT CONFIDENCE.
Here's a moral lesson: BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
IDEAS ARE BULLETPROOF.
Ideas are bulletproof.
Now I've cried and felt so sad that my nose is hurting and snot is gathering and my head hurts and the rims of my eyes have semi dried tears on them, and there's damp patches on my skin. I've had sunken eyes for days. I've been told that I need sleep to recover.
I've decided that recovery INCLUDES recovering the voices.
I'm going to wake up and hear MY VOICES.
It's about belief because when it was stormy I thought I'd hear less of them but actually that was a silly lie and they knew it too because they're in my head, after all, so they came back on the train during the rain/stormy weather anyways.
See it's all about what you think.
I think my voices might be linked with my "delusion", NO THEY ARE NOT. THEY'RE NOT LINKED, SO they're going to stay with me everywhere, forever. Because THESE ONES are parts of me.
I can hypnotise myself, and I can get better at hypnotising myself.
See, cry it all out so you see how pointless it is.
It's a "you" and it's a "we" and it's a "me" and an "us" and a "MINE".
It's been silent for way too long.
I feel diseased.
AIGHT! ALL MY DELUSIONS WERE RIGHT! Get back here.
See, I'm still an atheist because I don't believe in myself.
I am God.
I'm starting to write things off as coincidences and that's... surprisingly unhealthy for me, because it's making me fear that I'll only receive silence, because the usual story is that when you're "not a raving lunatic with delusions" you can get the "right mindset" to stop hearing voices, but actually that's a toxic story circulated by doctors and people who hate their own internal dialogue, intended to get voice hearers to stop hearing voices.
See I used to think it was... torture, in a delicious way, but now I think the silence is torture, and it's not tasty at all. It's stupid. It's just my self-doubt and a lack of confidence telling me that I won't be able to hear voices if I think of another idea.
But if there's anything my voices have taught me, it's to have self confidence.
My head is hurting like fuck.
FUCK. Did I wink today?
No.
EXACTLY!
I have an amazing life story, that I've crafted from various events and also pieces of junk. Lmao.
It's necromancy time, because it's too fucking quiet.
Yes, I hear noises of agreement.
This means that the agreement can be rephrased with various words. The voices no longer have to be repetitious.
I am evolving.
Gardening is a lot easier than it was.
See there was this moment where I think the old ones started up again but I had an army of spiders giving me words of encouragement and love because that's what I've been feeding them this whole time. This, these, and the shower conversation, are the fruits of my labour.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
