Hush [Semi-Active]

Ch. 44

   We returned to the apartment building after a short visit with my grandma. The car ride back was silent. Jung Kook removes his coat and hangs it up, throwing his shoes to the side as he slips on his sandals and heads in. I quietly remove my shoes and jacket then head into the living room while Jung Kook fixes himself a drink. It was odd. One minute he's telling me how much he wants to be in bed with me then suddenly he's talking about ways to abuse me emotionally and psychologically. It was terrifying to see him switch from friendly to full on psychotic murderer. It happened ever so often I find myself unable to be at ease because I never knew when the switch would go off.

"Ji Eun."

   His voice was monotonous. I had immediately straightened my posture and looked in his direction to see him taking a sip of his scotch. Hissing at the bitter burning taste before looking back at me.

"We need to talk about what you did."

   I was confused.

"What do you mean?"

   Jung Kook slams his glass down onto the counter top causing his drink to spill. I jump in fright and refrain from crying. He walks over to me and before I can say something he pulls me up by my collar so hard, it burned.

"Jung Kook I- I don't know-"

"Don't you dare lie to me!" He slaps me hard across my face. It was so hard, it felt like he may have broken my cheekbone.

"Were you trying to get me angry?"

"No-no I wasn't! Jung Kook what are you angry about?"

   Jung Kook stares at me with anger burning in his eyes. I was appalled by his sudden anger and the reason behind it was unknown. What have I done to cause him to feel this way? What do I do now? I don't want him to hurt me. It was also these times I wished he could just tell me where I made a mistake so he wouldn't have me playing one of his mind games.

"Jung Kook." My voice quavering as I spoke. "Please.. I didn't mean to upset you. I just..," I purse my lips and fight back my forced tears. To avoid getting more hurt, I decided that in this moment I'm going to act like I want and need him. It's not going to be easy but I have to find a way to get him to trust me.

"Can we just talk this out without you yelling or hurting me." I begin to rub my hands together and look down to avoid his eyes. Jung Kook looked down at me with no glint of pity in his eyes but in them held a slight sliver of curiosity. What was she planning? Jung Kook thought before tilting his head to the side and waiting for me to continue my pitiful act. But soon it all shifted. The want to play damsel ended and all the pain and sadness that I've been harboring since I've been here began to seep from me. I cry my eyes out as I slowly sat back down on the sofa. The eyes of my dead friend flashes in front of me. Jihyun laying in a gurney while being driven to the nearest hospital. So Yeon's face bashed in with her dead pale eye looking directly at me. The pain was so unbearable and the weight was too heavy to carry.

"Jung Kook I'm tired of always hurting." I slowly look up at him. There was a sort of hurt in his eyes as well. I saw his expression soften and morose. "Coming back to Seoul was a big mistake. I didn't want to come back here but I really wanted to see my halmeoni and I didn't think I'd stay here for this long."

   Jung Kook fought so hard in that moment with himself. He didn't want to break. He didn't want to be seen crying. All those years of burying his emotions, seeing me cry was enough to make him cave. Tears began to well in his eyes as he sits down in front of me with his legs crossed.

"Ji Eun.. I.." He sighed before he spoke again. Holding my hands with a gentle touch and looking directly at me. I slowly look up to meet his eyes and as I gazed into them, I saw something different. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have slapped you and-and..." Jung Kook's remorseful behavior left me speechless and also stunned. My crying had subsided. "I never should have hurt you in any way. And I wished things went different with us."

   With that, Jung Kook bawls into my arms and I remained silent. First I pour my heart out about the truth and now he's crying in my arms like he's a little boy lost and afraid. I've never seen this side of him. Ever. Even his apology sounded so sincere. I didn't know what else to do so I allowed him to cry in my arms. My tears subside and all I could do now was sit in silence while he continues to cry.

"Jung Kook?"

"Ji Eun, I'm terribly sorry."

I can feel his hands snake their way around my waist. He holds me tight.

"It's okay, Jung Kook. Please stop crying."

"I can't. I realized how much of an asshole I've been. Hurting you, getting angry at you and threatening you so much. I'm sorry."

He sits beside me and fixes himself to lay his head on my lap. Instinctively I slowly begin to stroke his head, combing my fingers through his black hair and hummed the melody to Peach by IU. Jung Kook seemed to have enjoyed it as he calmed down and relaxed. Jung Kook closed his eyes and listened to the soft hums of mine. After a few more minutes, I stopped humming but I continued to play with his hair. Looking down, I admired his side profile. Jung Kook's face seemed so delicate, soft and friendly. His broad nose, small chin and his lips. He even had a couple beauty marks I really never paid close attention to. His eyes were closed and I can hear delicate snores coming from him. I couldn't believe what had happened. First he was very angry at me and wanted to hurt me and then it was like he had a change of heart. He was being gentle, sincere and remorseful. Those tears, that shaky voice, the pure regret and pain in his eyes. Did he mean what he said? Was this just an act to make me believe him?

   No, of course not. He wouldn't toy with my emotions like that would he? I shake my head at my own thoughts and gave myself a mental face palm. Don't be deceived by such acts. Jung Kook is a psychotic pathological liar who deceives and emotionally abuses you Ji Eun. Don't think for a second he's being apologetic. I wish he was always so nice. I look down and see that he was dead asleep. I didn't want to move without waking him. But I did want to watch something on the TV. I see the remote right behind Jung Kook's left leg and carefully reach over. Grabbing the remote after two attempts and sighing to myself before turning the TV on. The volume was put on 4 already so I didn't have to change it for Jung Kook.

"Arirang News, although there haven't been any recent discoveries of bodies, Police advice all citizens to be careful when roaming the streets. Police also advice for you to lock your doors and windows, check in on your friends and family. It is unknown where this killer may be but Investigators are still looking into it. Investigator Eom Yeong Reun stated that this type of investigation is very important and one that will take up to days or weeks to figure out."

I gulp and slowly drag my fingers through Jung Kook's hair without my knowledge. I look away from the TV and down at Jung Kook who gave a faint smile in his sleep. Stopping myself from playing with his hair. I mute the TV then fall back into the cushions of the sofa. The exhaustion hitting me out of the blue. As my eyes slowly flutter close, I see an image of So Hee appear. Her bloody face. It was so hard to unsee. Jung Kook's fourth victim. Well it would make it his third since Jihyun was thankfully left alive but in critical condition. The guilt still lingered with me and I couldn't help but silently cry with Jung Kook resting peacefully. I wished I had done something to save her. My own friend. Gone within a second. How could I have let this happen? If I didn't look under the bed, Jung Kook would have run out of the apartment and So Hee would still be alive and calling the police. My nightmare would have been over.

"I'm such an idiot." I say to myself then open my eyes and stared at the ceiling. My thoughts raging like a storm. Forcing myself to silence my thoughts, I try to get comfortable and close my eyes again. Since Jung Kook won't be moving any time soon, I might as well get a quick nap.