Phantom Regret

Chapter Three: Shattered

Lisa

Shattered, love is the shattered answer to all of their delusions, I overcome the harsh bites of reality and assume.. expect. But she wasn't here. Jennie was somewhere out here, standing against the cold and refusing to face or talk to me. But, I don't know where is she.

Neither did I know how to find her, but I will.

-

Like pale grain entering the newly turned ground, stars covered the sky. It was the promise of life in the midst of the darkness, a feeling of warmth rising from the cold. It was a vastness that brought humility, as well as an endless space that brought gratitude for the comforts of home. Regardless of the years that passed, I considered each night sky as a new gift. If strangers knew me, they would see how my eyes light up and how my breathing slows down fractionally.

But they see the darkness and assume the blood that runs through my veins. Every man and woman who walked past me, always wondered why I was me. But why do we find everything mysterious, so beautiful?

I stopped my bike in front of the building. The man that told me to come here doesn't know me, yet invited me into his house.

I had a minigun, in case he decided to pull any of his tricks on me.

He truly doesn't know me.

I slowly made my way in, as the elevator made a stop. I kept all my walls up and remained cautious. The danger wasn't something new to me. I've been so used to it— putting my life on the line like it meant nothing.

Nothing at all.

Instead of ringing the doorbell, I knocked. Something within me told me to not ring it. I licked my lips and knocked one more time. Patience wasn't on my side as I tried to knock one more time, but have the door opened by none other than her.

"Honey, I told you that—".

Jennie Kim.

There she was, standing with her eyes fixed on me. Did I see guilt in her eyes?

Jennie

There is always a bright side to the darkness, but standing in front of me is the one that I thought I would never walk away from. The faithful one meets the sinner once again. Lisa's eyes darkened, her jaw was clenched and everything about her was tense.

I backed away.

There was no mercy in those brown eyes.

Pure pain. I saw it.

She seemed numb to the core.

But how can I forgive myself?

Watching her lost expression. Her eyes searched for the person she once loved, but she can't find it. At least not in the one who's standing in front of her now.

Her tears are falling.

Please, don't.

Why are you here?

How could I ever forget? The sight of her.

How could I forget those brown doe eyes?

How could I ever feel her heart, after I made sure to rip it apart?

And that voice, how could I?

She broke down.

Her bloodshot eyes were focused on mine. Her angelic face was covered in a few tears, endless tears. But her voice was sharp, "So you're here..". It fucking stings.

I walked away.

The distance got bigger, and the gap between us was huge.

How could I do this to you?

"Why?", is the only word that came out of her mouth. I can't forget it. No matter what, her voice is soothing and echoing in my mind. Stealing me. She could steal me at this moment and I wouldn't even resist.

I thought my soul would rest if I let her go, I was lying to myself. She was too sweet, that I got scared. Lisa was pure, and never done anything wrong, while I was filled with sins to the core. With toxic ways of escaping— and running away. I got terrified by the fact that an angel could ever love me, Oh, the pure love she offered. I was drowning in darkness, and I ended up pulling her to it.

Even though I didn't want to..

I never meant to.

How could I live with myself?

With what I did, to her?

Standing there, my soul is jealous. I cut her wings and placed knives in her body repeatedly. While she smiled at me, that sweet, innocent smile, that used to anger me or scare me. She said she will forgive all my mistakes, but is what I did to her forgivable?

I can't forgive myself, can you?