Phantom Regret

Chapter Two: Search

Lisa

"Name is Kim Woobin by the way and you are?". He moved his hand out for a handshake, but it wasn't reciprocated. I didn't react but replied with, "Lisa".

"I will meet you around six".

He nodded at me as I got up and left.

When it comes to love, it can be lopsided for defined periods, for good reason in terms of giving and receiving, and flexibility is essential.

However, the brain is built over time from our everyday shiftings, with complex cables and layers that form who we are. If you strive for empathy, and the other for cold emotional indifference that lasts for months and years, the relationship will sink even if you proudly have built up your Titanic.

Cause, after all, the Titanic still sank.

Pain is then ensured. Therefore, remember this balance, keep your partner afloat, maintain your love and maintain the fitness of your brain.

For someone who doesn't drink, liquor has become my friend at times, but even liquor wasn't able to keep me sane though, it had me wanting more of what I couldn't have.

I was frightened by the woman who lived inside my heart, she sat and sharpened her knife at the edges of my heart. But I couldn't survive without it-- I couldn't survive without her love.

It burns and it keeps me up every night, how she easily chose to give up the serotonin of being by my side.

Did my love drive her to the edge?

Did my fears overtake the scene when she said that it was too much?

There was a thick line between the saliva in my throat and the air that came in and out of my mouth. Maybe I was looking for something that was buried deep inside of her rather than letting go of her and of our memories that haunt me.

I held the paper in hand; Apartment 505.

My bottom lip was trapped under my teeth, there was a part of me that felt the familiarity of the unknown. I listened to public radio and allowed to let whatever sense of sanity inside of me pass by.

And what if I tell you; that you are still the one that I still want to sing me to sleep, Jennie Kim?

Although your recorded voice doesn't do your true voice, it still makes my dreams come true. It feels in some ways that while still distant, you are whispering in my ears.

You made a ruse out of my suffering. With an ice-cold magnum, you blew a hole in my heart and never looked back. That level of emotional apathy is not a sign of superiority, but rather the opposite. I've always been worth more; all I needed to do was learn how and why.

I know my worth, but I need the truth.

So my soul can finally rest in peace.

I will count the seconds but never reminisce away from your love, Jennie Kim.

-

Now that I stand here in this city, it brought me so many nostalgic memories and flashbacks. I've traveled oceans and lands but never did the space in time make me feel the way that I feel about this place.

I'm looking for her.

I'm looking for the truth.

Passing by people in this street has made my footsteps slower, I mistakingly addressed the issues of this corrupted society with the way they lack their perceptions.

Going back to her old apartment, I anxiously knocked on the door and hoped that she still lived here.

There was no answer.

When I tried to knock again, an old woman approached me. "Young lady, are you looking for someone?".

"Yeah, uh the woman who lived here".

She looked bewildered so I tried to explain it to her, "A Korean woman with dark brown hair, basically a brunette who owns two dogs".

"Yeah, her". She hummed, "Jennie".

My eyes lit up.

"She moved out".

I gulped hard and asked, "Do you have any idea where she could be?".

"No, but she baked me a cake before leaving though, she's such a sweet lady". The old woman smiled.

Jennie always was sincere and kind to the elders, and no matter what, she always found a way to show her kindness through simple things.

"Do you know her? Is she your friend? or relative?". She questions.

I chuckled, "Kind of".

A lie.

Jennie wasn't my friend, she wasn't related to me either. But with every ounce of being, I love her.

Where are you, Jen?