𝑺𝑯𝑰𝑭𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝑰𝑬𝑺⌇ᴀ ᴊᴏᴜʀɴᴀʟ

♧⌇ᴅᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴠᴀᴛɪᴏɴ.

i'm feeling super fucking demotivated tonight and i don't know why . 

it's like seriously bumming me out to an ungodly amount. my brain won't stop telling me shifting isn't real and i'm trying so hard to just fucking block those thoughts out but they're running rampant and it SUCKS !!! it sucks dude

i haven't even been trying that long, it's only been a little over a month !!! i shouldn't be this pessimistic!! idk. i just really want to go to hawkins man

i wanna see robin so bad. she'd be able to be there for me . and so would jonathan and joyce and will and eleven. i'm just really lonely and i want to see them all so fucking bad it hurts. it genuinely hurts. i don't like to think about it too much but i do get disappointed when i wake up in the morning and i'm not in my waiting room or even my DR. just my waiting room just give me my fucking waiting room let me run around in there and scream cause i shifted and i'll be going to hawkins soon enough!!!! for christs sake!!! :(

i'm just tired. idk why it's so bad tonight i haven't gotten this down in the dumps about shifting like... ever.

but they say demotivation is a good sign, so... whatever