Tangerine ~ Bullet Train

24 - "I'm here, I'm holding you now."

Yuina wasn't yet aware of it being a dream, or rather a nightmare; it all looked and felt so real what was being played out in her head. She could feel the slight movements the train would sometimes make whilst travelling with high speed. The warning sound was imprinted in her head and she could even hear it when the train wasn't stopping. She could feel the warm, foul breath of the man holding a knife to her throat once again marking her skin. Not even the blade, but his breath was the thing that felt the most disgusting. She could feel the way he squeezed her hands to her back with a great force, making a small cut in her skin with the hand in which he was holding the knife. She hadn't dreamed anything this real in a while.

None of the above was the most painful for her. The fact that she had her eyes open and couldn't see him was. She wanted to call out to him, to yell his name, but there was no sound coming out of her mouth. It was even worse; she couldn't even think his name. It was like she had forgotten all about it, like he had never been real. But he had to be. Why else was she still on that train, if it wasn't for him?

Yuina could feel the tip of the blade sliding over her cheek all the way down to her stomach, where it would hold its place. For a second she didn't even feel the thing anymore, but then it felt like it was being pierced through the side of her stomach as a whole; not only the tip of the blade impaling her.

With a sharp feeling of a stinging pain Yuina shot straight up in bed, kicking the blanket off her forcefully. Whilst holding her breath in agony she rolled up her shirt and reached for her stomach, but apart from her own warm skin, she couldn't feel anything. There was no knife, no sticking, slimy substance in the form of blood. That's when she realised she had a nightmare in which she was being held by Sweater in the train again. After realising it wasn't real what she had experienced, she let her eyes glide through the dark room, vaguely perceiving two figures in separate beds, one of them sitting upwards and looking straight at her. She couldn't make up his facial expression, but that wasn't necessary. Seeing Tangerine there was the relief she desperately wanted to take in.

Completely out of breath Yuina tried to calm down again, yet her body wouldn't let her. As quietly as possible she began to gasp for air, because she didn't want to wake Lemon. Not that she probably would; the man was snoring like crazy, fast asleep. 'Yuina?' Tangerine whispered. He got up and cautiously stepped to her side, keeping some distance. 'Are you okay?'

She was and she wasn't; she was having the biggest trouble breathing, but she slowly felt less bad with him there. 'I...' she gasped. She reached for his arm, grabbing it to make sure he was real. When she realised he was, she felt her heart slowly restoring to a less rapid rate again. 'Would you please...' she started whispering as soon as she was able, but she was still out of breath. Tangerine thought she wanted to ask him to enlarge the distance between them, but in fact she was asking for the complete opposite. She tried to make that clear by pulling his arm towards her, but she lacked the strength to do it properly. Still he got the memo.

Tangerine slowly got closer to Yuina, sitting with her on the bed. When he did, Yuina curled herself up to him, laying her head on his chest. His heart was beating rapidly as well, but Yuina felt herself slowly becoming calmer by the feeling of it. His beating heart meant he was really here with her.

'Did you have a nightmare?' he whispered whilst slowly and gently striking her hair to calm her down even more. Yuina still couldn't talk properly, so she just nodded whilst focusing on her breathing. Tangerine didn't want her to relive it, but maybe she needed to get it off her chest. 'It was that guy, wasn't it?' His voice was so soft she almost couldn't hear any intonation in it, but she still recognised some anger and guilt. 'Yes, it was,' she replied. In the silence that followed, he thought of something to say. 'That must've been really scary.'

Yuina placed her hand on his chest, only now realising he had taken off the sweater. She concentrated on his hands running gently through her hair, the feeling of his beating heart against her ear and his warmth comforting her. She was so, so relieved that he was really here with her. It almost made the panic she felt in her nightmare fade away completely.

'It was,' she sighed softly. 'It was so scary not seeing you there with me.' She felt his body tensing up after she spoke the words. 'I'm so relieved that you're really here.' She wanted to curl up even closer to him on her own, but Tangerine put one arm around her and pulled her closer to him. It meant the world to him that she would say that; that she wasn't really scared of that man threatening her, but the fact that his absence in her unconscious images made it a nightmare to her. 'Yes, I'm here,' he said softly whilst planting a little kiss on her forehead, 'and I'm not going anywhere. You can go back to sleep safely.'

'Thank you,' Yuina replied. She closed her eyes, yet sleep didn't catch her immediately. She still felt tired, but she was awake enough to register him being so close to her, holding her even. She wanted to enjoy this moment, not knowing whether she would have more of them, but she was losing this battle. Still she tried her outmost to stay awake. 'You know what I thought of when that man was holding me?' she blurted out in a kind of haze. 'You know what bothered me the most?'

Tangerine slowly shook his head, not knowing what to say. It felt like she was going to say something she probably wouldn't have said if she was fully awake. Part of him wanted to prevent her from it, suggesting that she could tell him when she was fully aware of it, if she still wanted to, but he didn't. A bigger part of him wanted to know exactly what was going through her mind.

'I thought he was going to end my life,' Yuina continued. 'I thought of my aunt's family, about how sad they would be when they would hear of it, but...' She couldn't hold herself back. 'But the thought that coursed through my head the most, was that of the fact that he could've been the last person to ever hold me. Of course it was so scary that he was holding a knife to my throat, but I felt even more scared and pained by the thought of not being able to be held by you again, Tangerine. That you were so close to me, yet so far away, and that I couldn't be held by you even if it was just one more time.'

Tangerine felt his heart hammering in his chest, unable to speak. Her telling him that being threatened to be killed didn't stir her up as much as the thought of not being held by him again, made him feel sad and joyful at the same time. It was a weird mix of emotions that he just couldn't place; he had never felt this way before. He just knew he would never be able to let this person go. He just couldn't.

'I'm here,' he whispered back, his voice unsteady by the emotions her statement brought up in him. 'I'm holding you now, and it will not be for the last time.' That sentence made Yuina give herself over to the sleep that was luring her in. She didn't mind falling back asleep with the promise of him holding her some time again.

As for Tangerine, he wasn't able to go back to sleep anymore. His heart wouldn't stop hammering rapidly in his chest. He almost couldn't believe the girl he cared so much for was lying pressed against him, yet her warmth and steady breathing indicated that she really was. He played the words she had just said to him over and over in his head whilst holding her carefully and strongly. Yuina was lying in his arms, fast asleep, completely trusting him with her life. Her words and attitude let him to believe she really cared for him, too, and he almost felt worthy of holding her.

It was a certainty for him: Tangerine would do his outmost to keep her safe.