Tangerine ~ Bullet Train

23 - Burning up from the inside

Yuina looked up when Tangerine came back into the room. He looked funny with her clothes on, the pants fitting but a little short on the ankles. Lemon stood up and entered the bathroom, leaving the two of them together. Now that she was finally alone with Tangerine again, she didn't know what to do. He seemed to think the same, because he stood there awkwardly. Yuina didn't even feel this awkward being alone with his brother. She wanted to put in the effort to start connecting with him.

'How are they?' Yuina asked whilst nodding at his lower body, realising that must've looked very weird. 'The pants, I mean,' she therefore added, feeling her cheeks slightly burn. 'Oh, eh,' Tangerine started replying, 'they actually are quite comfortable.' Yuina curled the corners of her mouth slightly upwards, but she didn't know what else to do. She averted her gaze and looked at the ground. Tangerine took her attempt to start a conversation as an opening to talk to her, too.

'How are you feeling?' he asked, walking towards her slowly, not quite sure how to proceed next. He contemplated sitting on the end of her bed or taking another one to sit on; he didn't know where they stood now. Yuina sensed his doubt and put her hand on her bed whilst looking at him expectantly, indicating that he could take a seat on her bed. She immediately felt a kind of rush flowing through her body when he did, but also a certain calmness, like it was all going to be okay. 'I think I'm okay,' she replied when he sat down on the end of her bed. He dared looking at her for more than a few seconds to confirm her statement. 'You seem okay,' he said relieved and surprised at the same time.

In the silence that followed Yuina kept looking at his blue eyes that were piercing into hers with reluctance and wonder. It was clear for her to see that he didn't think of her as weak; his eyes were too full of awe for that. She just couldn't place the reluctance that was hidden in his eyes. As for Tangerine, he tried to estimate her thoughts about him. He had expected her to look at him angrily or with disapproval by now, but she still didn't. That made him feel slightly better, yet he still couldn't bring himself to let go of his guilt.

'I'm so sorry we made a mess of your life,' he stated, averting his gaze. 'I'm sorry you have to be here with us now.' Yuina blurted out something that resembled an indignant laugh. 'That's what he meant,' she said whilst shaking her head, thinking about Lemon's comment about his brother not being the only one to not use his eyes. Tangerine didn't know what her comment was about, and he didn't dare looking at her again.

'I thought you heard,' she sighed, thinking about the phone call with her mother. 'My life was already a mess before stepping onto that train.' Tangerine shook his head. Yuina moved a little closer to him. When she did, she could feel her body tensing up with nerves, her inside temperature slightly rising. 'Tangerine,' she said, bringing her hand to his cheek when he wouldn't look at her. She felt his cheek burning up against the palm of her hand. She tilted his head towards her slightly, his eyes slowly and hopefully searching for hers. 'I already told you in that bathroom, didn't I? I still mean what I said back then. I didn't run away with you because I felt like I had no choice. Well, maybe that's not true; it was the only choice to make, but the reasoning behind that is that it wouldn't feel like choosing life if I didn't.'

'Why?' Tangerine asked softly, believing her words. 'Why don't you feel like we're taking away your life?' Yuina shook her head whilst shrugging. 'I don't know. I just know that all my life I rarely felt anything, and now I do. Whether that's anger, sadness or fright, or joy like in this moment; I'm glad to be feeling something now.' Tangerine's eyes grew even softer. 'You feel joy being here with me?' Yuina couldn't believe him doubting that. She could see in his eyes it was not the case that he didn't believe her feeling that way; it was that he just couldn't understand him being the reason for it. 'I absolutely do,' she replied to his question, rubbing her thumb over his cheek gently.