(September 14, 2022)
Oh well hello there i have so,ething positive to write about this time.
Well, positive is a stretch; but its def not negative tho? Ig?
So I'm dumping here bcus not a lot of my classmates are on this site so none of yall that can see this actually knows the guy im talking abt but uhhh...
So theres this person, and i wanted to be his frie nd for a very long time until at some point, i got the courage to start a convo and i did and we hit it off and now we're besties but the thing is face to face started and all of a fucking sudden this fucker of a heartbeat organ goes wack mode whenever i see him leaning on a table with his hands in his pockets and excuse me sir how tf dare u stand like that and tlike ??? He.. he waited for me !?!?! At the staircase after an assembly ?!?!? When like thiry of our other classmates were also going up at the same time ?!?!?!? And then AND THEN he has the nerve to sit that way outside his classroom and JUST
LIKE ??? bestie ???? Thats not the image i had of u wh....
Idk what to say honestly ???
I'm way too familiar with this feeling for me to fucking lie to myself abt what the truth is but at the same time i do not want to admit it to myself because this time. This time, i can't play it off with immaturity. I can't go happy go lucky with this. I cant go spilling to friends about it once i feel like like last time.
Especially since he's one of ,y friends too.
For the first time I'm scraed of rejection adm for the first time I've never been si terrified of something that isn't evem solid yet.
Its a feeling, a very small one at that, but it's there and the last time this happened it grew so much that even until now I'm still recovering from the effects sonow i have no idea what to do and how to handle it and im spiraling be caused i dont know who to talk to and who to say this to and who vent to and who to go for because my sisters will judge me, my classmates can't know, HE, my BESTIE, cannot absolutely CANNOT know becaus it's him and he's the reason and he cant know because theres so much uncertainty because evn when i say hes my bestie
I know noting about the guy.
What the fuck have i gotten myself into.
