Daddy Issues

I Thought You were Dead

Nico's POV) 

She's dead. 

She's dead, she's dead, she's dead. 

She's dead, written across my body. All of my body, wrists, thighs, even my stomach. 

I think you know by now what color it's in. 

Everything hurts. My entire body, my head, my heart, every single part of me is being held captive by the dull, throbbing ache of loss I'm all too familiar with. She was the only reason I kept myself alive. 

And now she's dead. 

I'm not getting anywhere with this rinky-dinky little razorblade. I could slash somewhere important, like my neck, or the inside of my thigh. That would do it.

But I think that's a little too hands-on. I'll probably chicken out at the last minute. 

I threw on my sweatpants and hoodie, not bothering to clean up or bandage myself. It burned, the feeling of fabric against naked, open wounds. And as I stood, I saw black spots in the corners of my eyes. I haven't slept all night. I've been waiting for something, anything to tell me that she was ok. A call or a text or... Anything. But it was useless. She's dead, and I know that she's dead. And I'm gonna join her soon. 

Once I was decent, I went out of the house and started on my way to the bridge. 

After a few minutes of walking, I stopped in my tracks and stared for a moment as I locked eyes with... 

Hazel? 

"... Um, hi-" 

I sprinted forward and wrapped my arms around her. "Hazel! Oh, thank god you're ok!" My arms loosened just enough that I could look her in the face. "... What were you thinking!? Do you have any idea how much danger you were in, going out all by yourself late at night!? And you didn't call me, or text me, or anything! I know you were mad, and you had every right to be, but you can't just fall off the face of the earth like that!" 

She held her hands up in surrender. "Ok, everything you're saying is totally reasonable, but the way you're saying it... Is scaring me a little." 

"Oh, this is scaring you, is it? How scary do you think it was for me when I couldn't reach you last night!?" 

"I left my phone at home, ok? And I was at Frank's, so I physically couldn't access it." She explained slowly, like she was talking to a child, which, despite my deep love for her, made my blood boil. I loathe being talked down to. I'm sure everyone does. 

I stomped my foot, which looking back, was very childish of me. "Well, you could've asked for someone else's phone!" 

"Didn't you tell me not to talk to strangers?" 

I shut my mouth. She had a point. I did tell her that, many, many times. "... Well... What about Clarisse? Was she home?" 

She choked on air. "Wha- I-... Yeah, but I'm not gonna go up to her and ask her for her phone! That girl scares the bejesus out of me!" She raised her voice by an octave or two to emphasize her point, which was already a sweet, girlish soprano, so she ended up sounding like a cartoon character. 

Despite the argument, my face broke into a grin. "... You're adorable." I went in for another hug. "I love you, so, so, so much. Don't you ever scare me like that again, ok? I was up all night last night, I... I thought you were dead." 

Her arms coiled around mine, squeezing the breath out of me. "Ok, ok. I'll be more careful about having my phone on me... What were you doing out here anyway?"