Medicine - T. Nott

twenty seven

Song for this chapter: This Is Me Trying - Taylor Swift

- - - - -

Theodore Nott

February 26th, 1998

Alex is crying when she turns around and leaves. I want to go after her but I think that will only make things worse.

I rub my eyes with the heels of my palms and groan. I fucked this up so badly. I wasn't lying when I told Alex I love her because I do, love her. I just didn't tell her soon enough so now she thinks that it's not real.

Alex said that this whole thing was real to her, but it was real to me too.

I've been in love with Alex Rosier since fifth year.

That's the main reason why I said yes to the whole plan. It meant that I would get to be with her and pretend like she was my girlfriend for a little while. I would rather have that than have nothing with her.

I sit back down on the hill and look at all of the people milling around since classes are over for the day. I dig into my bag and pull out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I haven't been smoking as much in the past several months, but I really need a cigarette right now. I place the cigarette between my teeth and light it, inhaling until my lungs burn.

I smoke the cigarette fast, then I smoke another one.

The sun is completely gone from the sky now and it looks like it's going to start raining. So I finish off my cigarette and stub it out before going back into the castle.

On my walk to the common room, I replay all of the events in my mind and wonder if I should've said something different. If maybe I would still be with Alex right now instead of making her cry. None of my friends are in the Slytherin common room, so I just go straight up to my dorm.

I slam the door behind me.

"Merlin, you're in a mood," Draco says. He's sitting on his bed with a potions textbook and a roll of blank parchment.

"Yeah, a bit," I reply shortly.

Draco doesn't say anything for a minute as he turns his attention back to his textbook. "Hey, do you know where everyone else is? I haven't seen anyone since class ended."

I set my book bag down on my trunk and sit down on my bed.

"Uh-, Alex and I just broke up," I say. "So they're all probably with her."

"Shit," Draco says. "What happened?"

I don't know why, but I tell Draco. I start by telling him about the fake dating, and then I tell him about what went down on the hill. Alex admitting she loves me, me telling her that I love her, and Alex shutting me down and leaving.

Draco exhales and shakes his head. "Well, that's a lot," He says. He pauses for a second. "If she doesn't believe you when you say that you love her then you have to show her, and keep telling her until she starts to believe you."

"Remember when Alex's stepdad left her mum when we were in second year?" I ask.

"Yeah," Draco replies slowly.

"And I kept asking Alex if she was okay because he was the only father figure she's ever had," I add. "And then she hexed me and told me to shut up because I kept asking?"

Draco laughs, "Yeah, that was pretty funny actually."

"If I keep telling Alex, she will hex me. I would let her. But that's not how it works with Alex, she hates that type of thing."

"Show her then," Draco says.

I raise my hands in defense. "I was going to! I had this whole trip planned out," I explain. "I was going to surprise Alex and take her to Amsterdam for the Easter holidays. Everything is already planned out and I was going to tell her about it on her birthday."

"You, Theo Nott, planned a trip to show a girl how much you love her?" Draco asks, practically gapping at me.

"Yes-," I respond. "If you make fun of me right now I'm going to punch you in the face."

Draco holds his hands up in defense. "I'm not, I swear," He says. "You must really love her then."

"I do, I have since fifth year."

"Then you better do something to fix this," Draco says.

I end up skipping dinner. Partially because I don't want to run into Alex just yet and partially because I'm trying to think of a way to fix things with her.

- - - - -

March 5th, 1998

It's been a week since Alex and I broke up. It's been a week of her trying to avoid me and failing at it since we have half of our classes together and we have the same friends. We don't talk much except for basic pleasantries or asking to pass food at a meal.

It's been a week and I've decided that it's time to start trying again.

When I get to lunch, Alex is already there. She's sitting next to Pansy, and Daphne and Blaise are sitting across from them. Draco and I had class together so we get to lunch at the same time. I go sit on the other side of Alex while Draco sits next to Blaise.

Alex glances up at me when I sit down, looking a bit startled that I chose to sit next to her again. She's still wearing the necklace I gave her and I'm taking it as a sign that I have a chance to make things right again.

"Hi Alex," I say.

She doesn't meet my eyes. "Hi Theo," Alex says.

I fill up my plate with food and listen as everyone branches off into their own conversations. Alex stays quiet and eats her lunch.

"What are you doing for the Easter holidays?" I ask, turning towards Alex.

She glances over at me. "I haven't thought about it much, I'll probably go home," Alex says. She still doesn't hold eye contact with me for longer than a couple of seconds.

"Or," I suggest, "You and I could go to the Netherlands. Amsterdam, specifically."

"Why would we do that?" Alex asks.

I stare at her. "You know why," I say.

Alex clears her throat and takes a sip of her drink. Her cheeks are a bit pink.

"I've had a whole trip planned out for months," I explain. "I was going to wait until your birthday and surprise you though. So what do you say to spending the Easter hols with me in Amsterdam?"

"You can't just take me to the Netherlands every time you want to fix something, you know that right?" Alex asks, finally holding my eye contact.

I grin, "Yeah, I know. But then you know there's always Italy, and France, and maybe one day Austria."

Alex shakes her head and looks back away from me. "You're ridiculous," She says, but there's a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

We haven't really talked for a week, but I did just make her smile, and she didn't completely shut me down. So that's a start.

"This is me trying, Alex," I tell her. "Please let me try."