Medicine - T. Nott

thirty nine

Song for this chapter: The Cut That Always Bleeds - Conan Gray

- - - - -

Three Months Later

By the time my shift ends at St. Mungo's, I feel dead on my feet. I spent the entirety of 12 hours in the Janus Thickey Ward where I was forced to see all of the long-term damage the Second Wizarding War caused. I love my job, but I hate working in the Janus Thickey Ward.

"Have a good night, Alex," Says my supervisor, Eleanor.

"Thanks, you too," I call back in response.

I take the elevator down to the ground floor and start thinking about what tonight might bring. The ding of the elevator drags me out of my thoughts and I walk out of the elevator and into the lobby. There are a few people milling about the waiting area and a wizard with a bloody nose talking to the receptionist.

I exit the building and walk two blocks over to the alley that I always apparate home from.

When I get home, Matthew and his boyfriend, Sawyer, are sitting on the living room couch watching a movie on VHS. They're cuddled closely together and I can't help but smile at them. While the war brought a lot of people further apart, it also brought a lot of people closer together.

"Hey, Matt," I say as I pass through the living room. "Hey, Sawyer."

"Hi, Alex," Sawyer replies.

"Are you going to be home tonight?" Matt asks, reaching for the remote to pause the movie.

I shake my head. "No, I'm going to Theo's," I respond. "I'll probably be home tomorrow after work."

My brother raises an eyebrow at me. "Cheers, have fun then," He says.

I fight the urge to roll my eyes at him and go upstairs to change. I strip out of my light green Healer robes, or as muggles call them, scrubs. I take a quick shower and get dressed before leaving the house again.

I apparate to Theo's flat and end up in the alleyway of the apartment building.

As soon as Theo got out of St. Mungo's after his ten day stay he rented an apartment in London and moved out of his father's house in the middle of the night. Theo's dad was furious about this even though he was the reason why Theo died briefly.

I take the stairs up to the third floor and knock on Theo's apartment door. He opens the door and steps out of the way to let me into his flat.

"How was work?" Theo asks, closing the door behind me. He sounds tired, or bored, but I can't decide which one.

"Tiring," I respond.

"You always say that," Theo says.

"I know," I say. "But I love it though."

Theo hums in acknowledgment and walks into the kitchen. I follow him and sit on the counter while Theo finishes cooking whatever meal he was making for the both of us.

"I was thinking about painting the living room," Theo says.

His apartment is nice, with two bedrooms and a bathroom, a kitchen, and a living room, but it could definitely use some work. It doesn't feel like a home yet.

"Really? What color?" I ask.

"I'm not sure, I was hoping you could pick for me," Theo says.

I shake my head. "I can't do that, it's your flat, not mine," I explain.

Theo pauses his motions for a second. He briefly glances over at me and then continues cooking. He turns off the stove and goes to get two plates from the cupboard.

"It could be yours, if you wanted," Theo suggests. He doesn't propose it or say it wearily, but he says it lazily like he doesn't really care about my answer.

"Theo-," I start. "I can't move in with you."

"Why not?" He asks, turning to look at me. He meets my eyes for the first time since I arrived.

I sigh, "We can't keep doing this, we're both miserable." Theo's jaw tightens slightly. "We're on completely opposite schedules, we see each other maybe once a week, and when we do we always do the same thing. It's like we're barely a couple anymore."

As it turns out, trying to move on from everything is extremely hard.

Theo's eyes flutter shut and he pinches the bridge of his nose before he looks back at me. When he doesn't say anything for a minute I start to think that I should've just kept my mouth shut.

"You're right," Theo says. "We barely are a couple anymore." He exhales and lets his hands drop back to his sides. "But I don't want you to be right because I love you."

"And I love you," I say. "But we can't keep going through the motions when neither of us are happy anymore. We deserve to be happy, don't we?"

Theo takes a step toward me and leans to press his forehead against mine. "I think the war ruined us," He admits. "Moving on from everything is so hard, I don't know how to go back to before. I think I'm permanently fucked up now."

"We can't go back to how things were before," I say. "I think the war permanently fucked up a lot of people."

"What are we going to do?" Theo asks quietly.

I brush my thumb against his cheek. "I think some time apart might do us some good," I say. "And don't think that this is because I don't love you anymore, because I do, I love you so much that I want to make this work. I just think we both need some time, to try to heal from everything that happened, yeah?"

Theo nods, "You're right, Alex, you always are. I love you so much."

"I love you, always and forever," I say.

Our food has gone cold but we stay like that for a bit longer. We stay close, enjoying each other's presence even though we're both on the verge of crying. I love Theo so much, but I feel so suffocated here. The war took too much out of me and I don't know how to be myself again, that's why I work so much.

We both have so much to work through and heal from, and it's never going to happen if we continue on like this.

Theo and I do eventually break apart and he cradles my face in his hand like it's made of glass.

"Where are you going to go?" Theo asks.

I think back to my eighteenth birthday and the gift from my dad, a gift that has been waiting for me. "Paris," I answer. "St. Mungo's can transfer me to their hospital and I can finish up my training there."

Theo nods, "I think that'll do you some good."

I nod, "Me too." I look into Theo's eyes and brush my thumb against his cheekbone. "It's not goodbye, because I'm not done with you yet Theodore Nott. I don't think I ever will be."

"Me neither," Theo says. "I'll never be done with you, Alexandria Rosier."

"We'll meet again soon," I whisper, trying not to cry. I don't want this to be over but it's going to end up slowly killing the both of us.

Theo smiles sadly at me. "I bet you'd pretend not to know me if we bumped into each other."

I shake my head and hold his face between my hands. "I'd never pretend not to know you, Theo." He holds his hand over mine, which is still resting on his cheek. Theo turns his head and presses a kiss into the palm of my hand.

"Can I kiss you?" Theo asks softly.

Instead of responding, I lean forward and brush my lips against Theo's. His lips ghost over mine before we kiss. We're kissing but it's different than before.

This time it's a parting gift.

- - - - -

I stay in town long enough to pack my things and go to Daphne and Blaise's wedding. It's a great night, but when it's time to leave I say goodbye to everyone for the last time. I go home and say goodbye to my mum and Matthew, then I leave for Paris without any second thoughts.