Medicine - T. Nott

thirty six

Song for the first part of the chapter: Angel - FINNEAS

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April 26th, 1998

After the year we've had it's so nice to just be with Theo. After all of the flirting, "faking", pining, and miscommunication, everything somehow managed to work itself out.

I'm laying in Theo's bed, and he's curled into my side. His arms are tight around my body as he lays his head on my chest. The dorm is empty, so we've been laying around for an hour or so. I run my hand through Theo's hair, playing with the curls around his ears and the nape of his neck.

"Alex," Theo says.

I hum in response, continuing to ignore reality and stay in this blissful state with my boyfriend.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

I shake my head. "Nothing," I answer. "I'm just thinking."

"Care to indulge me?" Theo jokes, his voice soft.

I pause the movement of my hand in his hair briefly. We've never really talked about everything else that is going on, the war, the end quickly approaching for better or for worse.

"What's going to happen when we can't avoid the war anymore? What's going to happen when sides have to be taken?" I say quietly. I think that if I say it any louder it will break everything.

Theo sits up and looks at me. His face is unreadable. "I don't know," Theo admits. "All I know is that I don't want to side with my father, with them." His voice falters for a moment before he continues. "I don't want to end up like that. I don't want to hurt anyone."

"You don't have to," I assure him. "You don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

Theo moves to sit so his back is against the headboard and he pulls me close to him. I rest my head on Theo's shoulder and hold his hand.

After a couple of minutes pass, Theo speaks.

"And what about you?" Theo asks. "What are you going to do?"

I've thought about it a lot recently, about what my role in all of this will be. "I don't want any part of it," I say. "I would love to say that I would stay and fight but I don't want to. Maybe that makes me a coward, but I just want to get out. I don't want anyone that I love to get hurt."

"That doesn't make you a coward," Theo says.

I lean against Theo trying to get impossibly closer. He tilts his head and kisses me on the forehead before putting his arm around me.

"And what about our friends?" I ask Theo.

"Draco will stay," Theo answers. "His dad will make him if he doesn't do it willingly."

I nod, "I feel bad for him."

"He's doing better than last year," Theo says.

I think for a moment. "Pansy will leave, so will Daphne, and anywhere Daphne goes," I trail off.

"Blaise goes," Theo finishes.

Theo looks over at me, his dark blue eyes meeting mine. He squeezes my hand. "If you leave, I'll be right behind you."

"And if I don't leave?" I question. It's highly unlikely, but still.

"Then I'll be right beside you," Theo answers. "I love you, Alex."

"I love you too, Theo," I say.

I tip my chin up and Theo leans down to kiss me. His lips brush against mine and I sigh before Theo kisses me properly. I hold Theo's face between my hands and his fingers rest on the bare skin of my abdomen from where my shirt rode up.