"if i
show my
fangs will
you tell
me that
they're cool?"
what is grief, if not love persevering
[book 2 in the Lilac Collins series]
[teen wolf seasons 3a, 3b & 4]
[slow burn🔥 - best friends to lovers ]
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'that, that was for allison.'
She didn't exactly know how long she had been sat there, so numbly that nothing seemed to phase her, the voices around her sounded as if they were underwater and she didn't care about the wind nipping at her skin, it felt kind of contradictory that her emotions were back with her and she felt numb, that her eyes were dry once more and it felt as if she had no tears left to cry, her entire being felt wrong, like she was carrying herself with no reason, she couldn't move, she wouldn't, she didn't even want to breathe, she was afraid the next breath she took would mean taking another of her best friends lives, which was something she couldn't live with, which was why she wasn't sure how she was living right now, why she was still alive, because she didn't feel like she deserved to be. She didn't feel as though she deserved to breathe, to have the abundance of love and care around her, it seemed every few seconds somebody was trying to hug her or place their hand in hers but she didn't want them to, right now she wanted to be left alone, left alone where she could have some time to think, about everything that had happened, everything that she had done.
As she looked down at her feet she didn't exactly know how she had gotten here, to the sheriffs station, everything had kind of happened in a blur, she remembered being dragged away from the dead girls body, she remembered the faint sound of the Jeeps engine but she didn't remember much more, her mind was now a constant loop of her impaling Allison with a sword, of her killing her best friend, the guilt she felt was making her sick to her stomach but she didn't quite care, she was in pain, so much pain but she felt like she deserved it, which was why she sat in complete silence, staring down at her mudded shoes and blood stained hands realising what she had done, the monster she had become and it was now she was afraid to look in a mirror, because she was scared that if she did, the monster she felt like would only stare back from her reflection, she knew the circle of life, that everybody died one day, except it didn't seem fair she was exempt from that, that she was a freak of nature, especially with the lives she had taken, each person she had killed had deserved to live, but Lilac Collins, she did not.
She couldn't exactly describe to anybody how she was feeling, because she didn't exactly understand it herself, she didn't know why she had done the things she had done. And no matter how many times she tried to tell herself it wasn't her fault, that she didn't have her humanity, she never quite believed herself because even though she didn't have any tie to her humanity it was still her, much like the boy beside her who was once possessed, she felt everything, she saw everything and half of the chaos they caused had been her alternate selves idea, the idea to stop the overwhelming hunger inside of her, the same hunger she could now feel trickling back in, urging her to sink her fangs into a nice warm vein and for the feeling of fresh blood to cascade down her throat, she didn't exactly know the last time she had fed but it felt like it had been forever, because it had been long enough for her stomach to not stop rumble and for her to be able to sense the pumping blood in everybody around the room, causing her to bite the inside of her cheek, enough to make it bleed and heal, it was now becoming a cycle.
