The Three Kings

Chapter 31

"I'm not afraid of commitment. I'm afraid of surrendering control too quickly--of placing my heart into hands that won't know how to hold it" 

~Beau Taplin

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Hanna 

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Training with King Xavier was something I wasn't prepared for. Not just only in the physical sense (though I was a werewolf with heighten physical capabilities I had no idea how to fight and didn't realize the physical toll it would take on me), but also in the mental sense. Being around him every single morning was...weird.

King Xavier and I had never really been alone. There was that one night after the attack, but King Alexander showed up not long after we had laid in bed to try and sleep. Since then, we weren't ever really...alone. And now, I was spending every single morning alone with him.

It was a shock to my system. His scent, his disposition, his presence. My brain was trying to keep up with the constant stimulation that was...him. And, all the while he would have to touch me. My skin almost felt raw after a session with him. He never touched me unless he had to, but I was notoriously bad at this whole fighting thing so he'd have to correct something my body was doing.

What made it worse was the fact that we didn't talk. Which I struggled with already, but I was trying to do what Dr. Michaels wanted me to do: Talk. It was hard with King Xavier though. He didn't talk almost as much as I didn't and starting conversations with someone who didn't want to talk was awkward.

I though that the therapy session would help, but he didn't talk there either, so I was at a loss of what to do. He was unapproachable in a similar way that King Sebastian was, but at least with Sebastian he made the effort to approach me. King Xavier hadn't done that. And the way he behaved made me nervous.

He scared me still, but that was because he hasn't bothered to show me any other side of him other than the part that scared me, and I felt like he did that on purpose. If i was scared, I'd keep my distance. But if I kept my distance, and continued to be scared, then he would never have the guts to show me anything else. He won't let me near him if I fear him.

His revelation at the training grounds also left me feeling like I was stranded out in the middle of the ocean that was him. I didn't know how to take what he said. Pleasure, pain, two different things and he wanted me to feel both at the same time. I didn't know what to do with that. And I don't think I'm ready to confront that.

"Would you like to hear my opinion?" Dr. Michaels asked.

"Yes, you don't have to ask." I said.

"I think you should just talk to him." I gave him a confused look. "Just talk in training sessions. He doesn't have to respond, but maybe just talk about your day, or if there's something on your mind. Or if somethings bothering you. Nothing too heavy, try and keep it light, but you're going to have to force him to listen to you."

"And I just talk? And if he doesn't respond I just keep talking?"

Dr. Michaels nodded. "Let me know how it goes."

King Xavier saw me in a state that the other two never really did.

Maybe that was why talking to him in this setting was hard.

I was constantly hot, sweaty, exhausted, and always on the verge of giving up or tears.

He was lying when he said he pushes. Never in my life had I worked as hard as I did when I was training, even with cooking I didn't have to try this hard. And added on to that, I didn't want to disappoint him which added mental stress on to the physical stress.