Mission Impossible//Robin Arellano

Part XI

Home at Last

The car ride home was excruciating. I felt sick to my stomach the whole time and if I tried to eat or drink anything, I would gag uncontrollably. I guess my anxiety was kicking in at the thought of being back in that town. Sure, I love Denver with my whole being, but the people there, not so much.

Thinking about being in that house again and seeing the street where I last touched the ground of Denver made me feel even worse. My head ached and my leg was bouncing like crazy. My mom had put my favorite cassette into the built-in cassette player in the car. Cool right? The cool technology aside, the music didn't help at all. If anything, the loud sounds made it hard to focus on calming myself. I felt like the roof of the car was caving in.

We arrived home around 10:00 at night. The only light that made things visible was from the stars and the street lights. You could hear the cicadas chirping at each other and the frogs croaking. It was peaceful and it calmed my headache a bit. I was too exhausted to do anything once we got inside, so I settled for  sleeping on the couch. It only took a few minutes before I was out cold.

•_•

I awoke the next morning to a bright light. I opened my eyes and they burned as they met with the sunlight. I got up off the couch and examined the room around me. The same blue chair sat in the far left corner next to the bookcase that was filled with my favorite thrillers.

The brown couch beneath me had a dent in it from when I had slept. The blanket was crumpled and the pillow looked deflated. Jesus. I picked up a few beer bottles from the coffee table and threw them into the trash. I was all too familiar with that part of my morning.

As I ate my toast and jam, I made a checklist of everything I needed to get done today:

To-Do List 10/02/79
• Unpack each of my bags.
• Clean my (most likely) dirty room.
• Prepare a grocery list for the week.
• Clean the kitchen and the living room.
• Take a look around downtown and get a feel for your home again.

And lastly,

• Visit Robin.

Check lists are how I keep my life organized and on track. Without them, my life would be in shambles. Not to mention my detrimental anxiety about seeing Robin again. I can just picture his sympathetic face as he looked at me for the first time in months. My heart broke at the thought of him forgetting what I looked like.

I had polaroids of him and had created a mental image in my head everyday so I wouldn't forget him. I can't imagine forgetting him. He's the love of my life. Or so I think.

Maybe not seeing him for all this time changed my perspective of him. That's not very likely considering the effort I put in to think about him and the time I took out of my day to write him notes. Oh shit. The notes.

Over the last month or so, I would write a note to Robin everyday. Either they would explain my grieving process as October approached or they would be about how much I miss him and wish I had just five more minutes with him. I had kept them in a box under my bed so my dad wouldn't find them. That box is probably in a police station now. Everything in that house is probably in a police station now. That thought brought me back to my senses and aroused my suspicion again.

What was his reason?

How could he do this to anyone, let alone his own daughter?

Why didn't he show any sympathy for his actions?

Where had he gone after he had done the deed? Because he surely didn't come home.

Did someone help him? And if so, who?

My brain was racked with questions and concerns. I scrunched my face and tried to shut the voice inside my head up. That seemed to help for a bit, so I relaxed my muscles and grabbed the list, scanning it over.

• Unpack each of my bags.

That's the first thing on my list, which means I need to do it first before I can do anything else. Before I can see Robin.

I immediately rushed to the door and grabbed the bags that I had thrown on the floor last night. Running to my room, I nearly slipped on the dusty floors. Note: Add sweep the floors to the list.

I grabbed a pen and quickly wrote the additional task. I threw the bags on my bed and unzipped each of them. I took out the clothes first, then the toiletries, and lastly, my Robin mementos. 

I threw the clothes in their assigned drawers and put my toiletries in the bathroom. I gingerly placed the keepsakes onto my dresser in a stack. After I had unpacked and put my bags away, I lay in the middle of room and analyzed the grey walls and blue comforter.

Blue..blue. Why did that sound so familiar? I gasped at the realization that I had left the bandanna that Robin had given me in Idaho. "Fuck!" I shouted, loud enough for the whole street to hear. My mom came running to my room, calling out my name.

"What! What's wrong?" she asked, barging through my door. "I left Robin's bandanna in Idaho!" Tears formed in my eyes at my stupidity. How could I forget the most important thing? My mom sighed and wrapped her arms around me. I let the tears fall from my eyes and let out a sob. My breath hitched as I gripped into my mom's sleeve.

"I'm so stupid!"

"You're not stupid! Don't say that."

"If I was what you say I am, I'd be wearing his bandanna right now."

I sobbed into my mom's shoulder in silence for a while after that. We had a small conversation about how I can explain to him what happened and we hugged once more. I continued with my to-do list until it started to get dark and the last thing left was there in front of me.

• Visit Robin.

This is it. This is the time when I can see him again. No more listening to his favorite songs on repeat or crying over his polaroids. I was going to see his face in person. I was going to hug him. I was going to tell him how I feel.

a/n
AHH cliffhanger.
love y'all sm rn.