fanboy

How he caught my eye

I'm Jeff Satur, a singer, songwriter, producer, and actor. I like to think of myself as a storyteller.

I've been working in the music industry for many years now. Music makes me happy in a way very few other things do. Another thing I love above everything else is to meet my fans (Saturdays). They motivate, inspire, and energise me.

A few months ago, I started noticing a Saturday fanboy who was coming to  every single event I had.

It has become a habit to enter the venue where I'm having a concert and check discreetly to find him in the crowd.

He's very handsome, I have to admit, but not only that sets him apart.

Sometimes, when everyone else around him is shouting, singing and jumping in excitement, he's just calm, quiet and static. Watching me, looking at me, his full attention focused on me.

If I returned his gaze I would be lost, probably I would forget the song lyrics or some sort of mishap would happen for sure.

But knowing he's there, it's like an anchor letting me find my way home if I get too lost in the performance.

He's changed since I first noticed him. His hair is getting longer to match mine, and he dresses a bit like me, I see him wearing clothes I've posted on social media. Nothing special in a fanboy, I guess, but it makes him extra adorable.

***

I've received a couple of presents that I think are from him, I don't know why. A handmade bracelet with a silver guitar pick and a Saturn engraved. I don't know why I'm so sure it's from him.

I wore it and made a point of showing it during the concert, he will see it on the photos if he's too faraway to recognise it in person.

The other thing I think it's from him is a white semi translucent silky shirt with a wrinkled texture. I think it was him because he has the exact same model and wears it often.
I like the shirt but I hesitate a bit to wear it in public for now. It just feels so intimate.

***

Oh, he's finally found the courage to ask for a photo! I met him after the concert, when I got out from the backstage, a good hour after the gig, I found him scrolling on his phone in the lobby. While I'm speaking to the musicians, I see him struggling with himself to stand up and finally he approaches us.

"Well done, so brave", I think at that time. He gets closer, his voice is rich and melodious, not loud at all.

- Hi Jeff, my name is Bible. I'm your fan, can I please have a photo with you? I love you so much. - He said in a rush, the sentences sewn together hurriedly.

Now that we are close, he doesn't seem to be able to make eye contact with me. What a relief, in a way, although that would have been interesting too. I want him to be comfortable around me.

- Yes, sure. Let Joey take it - I say turning to Joey.

I stand by his side, his hands are trembling, I think of holding one of his hands to reassure him but I abandon the idea very soon, probably I would make it worse.

I lean to his side, we're about the same height, and I whisper in his ear:

- Relax, bro, and smile for our first photo together.

Then the photo is taken (I wonder if he's smiling?) and we part ways.

I know he's not a stalker, I made sure to find out as soon as he caught my eye. I see him watching the screen of his phone, extatic, and I want to have a look at our picture, too, but I refrain myself.

He says thank you many times, a beautiful smile in his mouth now, although his eyes are still looking down. He bows his head and finally leaves.

The musicians made a joke about him when he's gone, but I don't find the joke funny and make them shut up.

***

There's a fan meet. I wonder if he will come and see me? I'm sitting on my chair alongside the other cast members of the last BL series I filmed, and I search for him in the room until I finally find Bible not too far in the queue. He's wearing the same designer hoodie I wore a couple of weeks ago. He must have money because the hoodie is not cheap.

Suddenly, he lifts his gaze in the crowd and our eyes meet for a few seconds. "Will you look at me like that when you're sitting here? Will you ask me to hold your hand?", I think.

Then the event officially starts and I focus on the Saturdays who are coming to speak to me, one by one.

I've lost track of where is he, when he finally appears in front of me.

Yes, he's making eye contact today. Time stops, I think, for both of us.

- I would like you to draw something in my hand, then I will tatto your drawing.

- Oh, that's interesting! Where are you planning to get the tattoo? - I say.

- Somewhere hidden. Probably my ass cheek or my near my pelvic bone.

Mmm, I nod. Drops of sweat seem to be gathering on my front and temples knowing that what I draw will end up tattooed Bible's skin, for noone to see but his lover.

I feel a pang of jealousy for not going to be the one seeing the tattoo.

I drew a cute Saturn with a couple of Stars on the back of Bible's hands. Then, under the drawing I write in a good calligraphy "JeffXBible".