fanboy

It's your happiness that matters

I start pursuing Bible, somehow I like him more now that he doesn't want me anymore. The irony.

I start running again, I go to our old spot at the park, but I don't see him. It doesn't matter, I'll be here if he wants to find me again one day.

On the way back, I pass by a coffee shop and buy coffees for us. I think I remember Bible's favourite choice. I call by his apartment and I hand the cup to a surprised, messy haired Bible. It seems he just got out of bed. I smile, wish him a good day then leave.

I'm sending him messages about my everyday life but, he's not very responsive. When I send him a photo of myself at the last magazine shoot I had, he finally answers me with a "Cool trousers" and two palette emojis. The trousers are one-off designer-made decorated with paint drippings.

I'm so happy he's opening up. I take the trousers, put them in a box and get ready to send them to Bible.

I'm very busy on the three-week runup period to the release of my new single Hide, but I try to get in touch with Bible. He's still just reading my messages or answering with a reaction or an emoji, but it's fine, it would take more than that to discourage me now.

I share the teaser with him, it's incredible how nervous I am to hear his opinion. I only got back two flame emojis but this time he answered straight away. I'm optimistic.

Finally the day of the release comes out and I'm really busy, I don't have much time to share with Bible, but when I see the numbers the song is making, I think part of them belong to him because it's his song too.

I post a reel on Instagram adding the caption "It's your happiness that matters, not my sorrow". Will Bible get it?

The first concert I have after releasing Hide is in a relatively small venue that I know well. I always look for Bible among the public but he's not there. But I think maybe he will watch me online.

I present the song to my fans:

- This song it's for a very special person who inspired me to write it. I  wish one day this person can understand and return my feelings.
I hope you'll enjoy, Sats

***

I saw a little ring necklace on a jewelry online and I thought it would be so nice for Bible, so I bought it. Then I remember him buying us couple jewelry and I got one similar for me.

I wait until I'm sure it's been delivered and then I post a selfie with my new necklaces. Come on, Bible, have you seen it? Wear it for me.

***

The song is doing well and Bible is still answering most of my messages, life is good.

It's becoming an habit to buy two items when I shop for clothes. Most of the time they are not identical, sometimes I just buy something I would like for him to wear on the same style as mine.

So far he's accepting the gifts.

***

It's been two months since I started pursuing Bible. We haven't seen each other except when I've delivered coffee or some of the gifts. I'm missing him. How is he doing?

I want to hear him talk about my music, I want to share my ideas with him. For the first time in months, I dial his number:

- Bible, it's me... Jeff Satur. What are you doing? I was wondering... You wanna come over? You can bring the guitar, let's play for a bit together? - I say, stuttering a bit for no reason.

I wait some time for the answer, I can hear Bible taking a couple of deep breaths.

- Ok, Jeff. Let me get ready, I'll be there in about an hour - says Bible.