fanboy

I'm not as good as you think I am

To make sure he's not a stalker I ended up stalking him. Hahaha. No, but I asked our security company to run a check on my fanboy.

He lives not far from my house, that means we might bump into each other at some point. I smile thinking about it. I wish I could speak to him normally, but he reacts so strongly to me that it seems difficult. While I also find it cute; his flushed cheeks, acting all shy, even trembling... at the same time it's painful because it creates a real barrier between us. Would he be able to treat me as a human being instead of his idol?

***

And the day we bump into each other arrives. Interestingly, I'm the first one to spot him. He's wearing jeans and a white t-shirt, and has his cute glasses on.

I've come to the nearest instrument shop to buy some spare cables I need and have a look at amplifiers. He's looking at electric guitars, in his own world, he doesn't see me coming.

When I'm about 1 metre from him, I try to start a conversation.

- Hi! Do you you play the guitar too?

Bible looks up at me, almost in panic. I bet he didn't expect to hear my voice.

- ...

I smile at Bible under my facemask, giving him some time to react.

- Yes, I play the guitar a bit. I'm not very good though... - he says at last.

I start commenting on the model he's holding in his hands, I pass my hand over the body of the guitar and I see Bible looking at the invisible traces left by my fingers.

- Do you want to try it? We can play together for a little bit if you want? - I say grabbing an acoustic guitar I find nearby.

We sit side by side and have a go at some standards... Bible is playing the base and I'm layering melodies over it. It looks like when it's not about talking to me he's much more relaxed.

His eyes are shining under the glasses, his cheeks flushed and looks like a smile is glued on his lips under the mask, so cute I want to take him home like a stray pet.

We play a little bit more and then I get ready to go; he bows his head several times, saying thank you non stop, he's making me feel embarrassed.

- Hey, chill man, I'm just a normal guy, please don't do this, I had fun too - I say to him.

Then I pass my arm over his shoulder and take a selca with my phone. Without removing my arm I say to him:

- Aren't you taking a photo too?

My goodness he's slow sometimes! It makes me giggle. I put the phone in my back pocket while I wait for him to get ready to take the picture, and I make a peace sign with my hand for his photo.

I say goodbye, walk to the till with my order and I have a look back just before leaving the shop. I see Bible is buying the guitar but it looks like he's not letting the cashier grab it! Is it because I touched it? I can't help laughing at my cute fanboy. He surprised me today.

***

I see him from afar in a pair on concerts on the following weeks. We don't talk but it's comforting to see him. I wonder if he's practicing with his guitar, if he has had his tattoo done yet, if he's beginning to see me as a normal person?

At the end of one of the gigs I spot him again, a bit apart from a group of Saturdays behind the security barrier. He's wearing the same shirt he bought for me, I'm still in my concert clothes, black tank top with a leather harness, feeling all sweaty but happy with how everything went.

I stop to thank the group of Saturdays and take some pictures with them. I think I can feel Bible's eyes on me all the time.

Then I turn towards him and I ask if he wants a photo too.

- No, just let me take your photo please - he says - I'm not worthy of appearing in the same frame as you.

I feel my blood boiling but I hide it (hopefully) and I pose for a couple of photos.

Then, I can't help it, I lean on towards his ear so nobody else can hear me and I say in a low voice:

- I'm not as good as you think I am.

Bible is shocked, I can tell. I quickly take my leave, I hope my words will make him think.