fanboy

You wanted this

I can't say it's my routine, but I like to go running in the mornings to a nearby park when I have the time. I am able to do it only when my schedule is not too busy. Since it's very early in the morning, the park is almost deserted and there's not much risk of people recognising me.

Except of course my fanboy. He was at the park the other day. He caught up with me when I was stopping by the pond to watch the ducks and came to say hello. I'm happy he's not so shy anymore.

- Hi! Bible, right? We meet again... It must be fate - I say with a smile.

Bible blushes and I propose to run side by side. We don't speak much but I like his company.

***

Since then, we've met again at the park a couple of times. I guess I'm making an effort to fit the morning run in my schedule almost every week now.

There was one day I didn't see Bible, though. I ran a few more laps around the park and there was no trace of him. My mood was ruined for the day.

But two days later he is there again. I run leisurely towards him.

- Hello, stranger. Long time no see!

Bible looks at me with his eyes full of adoration that I am starting to get used to.

- Hi, Jeff. I've been away for a few days - says Bible.

I continue running for a while, deep in thought.

- Will you give me your telephone number? - I ask out of the blue. - Can I trust you?

Bible trips, almost falling on his face, and we both stop.

He nods and I make him write his name and number on my phone.

- I'll call you and maybe we can meet up - I say.

Both continue running in silence, probably we are both spacing out. When we part ways, I'm smiling. At least now I have a way of contacting him.

***

There's not much happening at the moment. My latest BL series just entered the post-production process and the marketing team hasn't bombarded us with promotional events yet.

I spend my time writing new songs and doing the things I won't be able to do in a couple of weeks. But today I'm a bit bored, I don't feel like doing the same old.

I a whim, I take my phone and call Bible's number.

- Hi. It's me, Jeff Satur. Would you like to come around to play guitar? You can bring the guitar you bought.

Bible is in silence for a few seconds, I hear a few muffled noises, then he asks for directions to my house.

***

Bible brought his guitar. He's given it a name, Dione. I ask him why such a strange name, and he explains that it's just the name of a love goddess. "Nice", I think.

I show him my guitars and my equipment, I see his eyes wide open in excitement but he's still too respectful to touch anything. I pick his guitar and made him play with one of mine.

We play play together a few tunes, improvising. I convince him to record a few bits and pieces. How I wish he was always as relaxed with me as he's today. He's got an extreme focus on the things he enjoys and he can be very playful too.

***

The day after our little jam session I use one of the music tracks we recorded for an Instagram post in which I'm tying the shoelaces of my new trainers and I choose a cryptic caption, "Getting closer". Will he get it?

***

I met Bible again at the park the following week. I'm happy he is respecting my space and only sending a couple of "goodnight" or "good morning" messages to me all this time.

We join our paths running. The weather is changing, and by the time we're at the pond, the farthest point inside the park, it starts raining heavily. We run back as fast as we can, but we are both drenched before getting to the park entrance. We continue running though, and a couple of hundreds metres later I see Bible hesitate.

I question him without words.

- My house it's just here, would you like to come in until the rain stops? - says Bible.

- Of course, let's go!

We get in Bible's flat. It's decorated in a minimalist, masculine style. I also meet his cat Grey, so affectionate.

I have a quick look at the living area, and I see a poster of myself and many Polaroids and merchandise related to me on Bible's desk.

Bible comes back from the the room with a towel for me. I realised I'm soaking wet, so I take off my t-shirt.

I see Bible freezing, staring at me. Then he looks away and says:

- I can't believe my god is here.

I take his hand in mine and say:

- But I'm not a god, I'm real. I'm just an imperfect human. I'm full of flaws, really.

Bible looks at me with a hint of annoyance. Then he takes the towel and starts drying my hair, he's so careful and gentle.

I realise Bible is still wearing his wet t-shirt, so I grab the bottom of his t-shirt and try to pull it over Bible's head.

- You shouldn't catch a cold, either I say.

Bible's hands stop drying my hair.

- You're so sexy, Bible. I would be crazy in love with you if you weren't my fan - I say looking at his torso, suddenly I want to tease him.

Bible reacts as if he had a mini heart attack.

- Why? Would you be with me? I could do anything for you, I can change anything you want, please let me be with you even if I'm not worthy - he says looking at me with puppy eyes.

- See? You're idealising me, we can't be together - I answer, smiling as if it was a joke, but it's actually what I think.

Bible looks heartbroken, his eyes are about to cry. Suddenly he grabs my hand to get closer, and I feel Bible soft lips touching mine, his eyes closed and full of tears.

- Please, I could do anything, I could change myself, I could pass any tests you want me to... - he says in a whisper.

My heart is heavy. Bible is succeeding in making me sway, even if I know from experience how dangerous is to enter in a relationship in which one person puts you in a pedestal, only to end up being disappointed and hating you because you cannot live up to the image the other person has in his head.

- But I'm not a good person... - I say, my defenses crumbling.

Bible is hugging me, sobbing silently, his chest touching mine, he's so cold I hug him tight.

- I'm an asshole, you'll see - I promise him.

Then I grab the hair on the back of his head to turn his face up towards me and I start kissing Bible's lips, biting and devouring his mouth.