Not your average girl <3

Chapter 16

Trigger warnings: thoughts of self harm, nightmares, sleep paralysis and panic attacks.

Audrey's pov:
Do you ever wake up and just feel exhausted?

Like, I can't bring myself to get out of bed exhausted. That's exactly how I feel right now.

"Addiii?"

"Lucaaa?" I call back.

"I was looking for you!" Luca exclaims as he jumps on top of me, kindly crushing my lungs. "I've been here the whole morning silly." I reply.

"It's one in the afternoon."

oh

"Well are you going to get up yet?" Luca says rolling off me.

I shrug.

Usually I would.
Today, I couldn't be bothered.

"Maybe later."

"Maybe later? C'mon, you've spent all day in bed."

I groan.

"Fine."

"Ah, la bella addormentata is awake!" Dad announces as he leans over to kiss my forehead.

la bella addormentata = sleeping beauty

I chew my cornflakes slowly, my mind lost in a tangle of thoughts.

Trigger warning: thoughts of self harm/description

How bad would it be if I relapsed today?

Could I relapse without anyone finding out?

I still have a blade hidden in my phone case. Somewhere they'd never look.

I hope.

This makes me sound psychotic but cutting is a coping mechanism. It's not supposed to seem 'normal'.

Just one last time.

I'll try to get better after this.

TW over.

Would I be letting them all down if I did?

Maybe.

I need a good cry. To let all these emotions out.

I should ask Vincenzo where the gym is, I need to visit my friend the punching bag.

"And you know how to use a punching bag without hurting yourself?" Vincenzo asks looking concerned. "Of course I do." I assure him.

Not like it'd really matter if I got hurt.

Sweat ran down my forehead as I inspected my cracked knuckles, the blood beginning to dry.

Noticing the time I realised it was about three pm. So I began to drag myself up the stairs.

Turning on the shower I notice how my knuckles begin to sting, but the physical pain seemed to numb whatever was going on in the spiral of thoughts in my head. "Audrey? Are you in there cariño?" A voice that sounded like Mariana's called out. "Yup just showering." I call back.

cariño= sweetie

Y'know when your day wasn't fantastic but it wasn't awful either? That is what I am currently experiencing. And what I really wanted to do was just sleep. But I couldn't.

Why?

I was stuck at the dinner table listening to Vincenzo go on and on about football. Usually, I wouldn't mind but today I wasn't in a fantastic mood.

"You're awfully quiet today tesoro, is everything okay?" Dad asked taking a sip of his wine. Causing not only Enzo and Aldo but Mariana as well to look quite concerned. "Just tired." I smile weakly hoping they'll leave me alone.

tesoro= sweetheart/darling

I laid in bed staring at the ceiling. My mind wondering through never ending wormholes.

I was scared to sleep.

TW nightmares/sleep paralysis

I was awake.

Dark shadows danced across my room.

I could feel my heaving breath and elevating heart rate.

Suddenly something moved in my peripheral vision, I couldn't quite make it out.

It was him.

He was here for me.

Like he said he would.

He'd be back.

His hands crept up my shins to my lower thighs, I wanted to scream or move but I couldn't.

I was frozen.

"Help me." I tried to scream but all that came out was a silent whisper.

Third person pov:
Everyone was sound asleep in the Ricci household during the early hours of Sunday morning. All except one.

The youngest.

Little Audrey was trapped in her own mind.

Hoping someone would notice how hard she was fighting.

Or how terrified she was.

Fortunately, her twin would be soon to notice.

Audrey's pov:

My face met the floor with a loud thud.

Quite a pleasant way to wake up from whatever the fuck I just experienced.

I began to cry.

Sob would be a better way to describe it but either worked.

"Addi? Addi? What's going on?" Luca asked confused as he ran into my room.I shuffled onto his lap and sobbed into his bare chest. Salty tears dripped down my face as I heard loud voices and footsteps run down the hall.

"Who's crying?"

"What's going on?"

"I don't know I just found her like this."

"Pequeño, you're okay. Let's take some deep breaths alright?" Mariana said moving the hair that was plastered to my face from the tears and snot.

pequeño= little one

My breathing began to slow and so did the tears. But the fear was still there.

I noticed how the boys had left along with Mariana, probably to give me some space. But I didn't want space I wasn't actually sure what I wanted but I didn't want to be alone.

"Please don't make me go back to sleep." I beg Dad as he pulls the sheets up over Luca and I. "Why?" He said looking puzzled. "I'm scared, please don't go." I mumble. "You're going to be really tired today if you don't sleep bambina." I shook my head. "Luca's here and the rest of us will be right down the hall, there's nothing you should be afraid of." Dad said kissing my forehead.

bambina= baby

"I'm not going to sleep." I say to Luca for about the tenth time tonight. "Why not? You're obviously tired." He sighs.

"I'm scared."

"What of?"

"Micheal."

"..."

"He's dead."

Right?

hi there, its me.
sorry that ive been dead i suppose, i currently have a lot going on and idk when thatll settle but yk.

favourite brother?

anything i should change/edit??

question: favourite barbie movie?

mines defo the twelve dancing princesses x

bye bye :)