Four Letter Word

Back in Time

I walked to a park nearby and sat on a bench and poured out my heart to God.

"What am I to do Father?"  

I cried out in between sobs.

Suddenly I heard an authoritative voice saying unto me :

"Daughter, have I not taken care of you in your greatest time of need? When everyone deserted you, who stood firmly at your side? Why do you suppose this is any different? Child arise, your tears shall be dried for today marks a new chapter of your life! Be still and know that I am God."

I looked up to heaven and thanked my Father. I had the sudden urge to recite Psalms 23, which i had implanted into memory since I was a teen and gave my life to Christ. That day I'll never forget.

*Flashback*

"Get out of my sight you good for nothing creature!" exclaimed my father when I accidentally dropped his glass of wine upon seeing him slap my mother. Even though they both detested me I knew that I could never fully dispise them. After all they did bring me into this world even if i was a mistake. Oops I meant after all my MOM brought me into this world. For I was the product of an affair. The illegitimate child.

My mom, Annalise Griffin was engaged to football star Tye Joseph. One night after a heated argument, my mom ran to the comfort of Tye's best friend. Well long story short my mom found out a week later she was pregnant and trying to be slick, coaxed my father into bed to arouse little suspicion. Nine months later boom I was conceived. As soon as he laid eyes on me he wanted a DNA test. My complexion was light in contrast to my father's dark as coal. You see Jarod, the man my mom cheated with and also my biological father was a light skinned Puerto Rican. And my mom wasn't light skinned. She was close to Fantasia's skin tone. So it was obvious something didn't add up. As soon as my father found out I wasn't his, he wanted out. But because of the media he stayed and married my mom as a cover up. Well let's just say that his career came to an end, and their marriage in pieces. So I was blamed for the unfortunate events.

I ran to my room and locked myself in. I looked in the mirror and decided I was tired. Tired of all the pain and hurt that I've undergone. I wanted change. And Fast!

Today was Sunday. Why not visit a church? I changed into a knee length silver dress, along with silver flats and was on my way out.

I reached Hezekiah Baptist Church in about 5minutes. I wanted to turn back at that moment. I was afraid. Afraid of not being welcome. I've never set foot in a church before even though Atlanta, Georgia has plenty.

Deciding to be brave I opened the door. I was greeted by an elderly usher who gave me the biggest hug I've ever received. Smiling warmly she said "Welcome dear child. For the Lord will guide you through the darkness and triumph into the light." Hearing that my eyes flood with tears as she led me down the aisle sitting me right up front. I watch her walk back towards the entrance and scanned the church. I felt at home. I joined in with the rest of the people and sung and danced and praised the name of God and prayed to Him.

Then came time for the Word which the Reverend Joshua Cunningham delivered. The title was : God sees you, He Knows you, and will deliver you.  

He refered to the story of Hannah. And how throughout all the taunts she received by her husband's other wife Peninah for not being able to conceive, she stayed loyal to the Lord. Standing firm that one day she would be delivered. In which she was and brought Samuel into the world!

I felt as if the message was meant for me. Telling me that one day I too will be delivered! At the end of the message came an alter call. I felt a tugging at my heart and I walked forward. Hearing cries of joy and encouragement. "The Angels of heaven rejoices today! Come forward Daughter of Christ for the Lord says welcome home!" The Reverend spoke to me.

On that day, of July 8th , at 18 years old, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior.

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