Song For Dolores

Chapter 14

 My heart beats faster when I move away from my friends and closer to first period. I slowly feel like I am drifting away from sadness and getting a wave of happiness for once. I can feel my self-getting scared. Goosebumps rising on my arms and down my chest. My lips were dry and of course I lick them. I know it makes them drier, but I guess it's and addiction gliding my tongue against my lips. Entering the class room that made me feel weak and destroyed. How ii hate being weak?

    I sit down in the class and just face the clock as if it was the only thing in the room. I gaze at it like if I saw my soul mate for the first time. Surprisingly I haven't felt the need to punch Mr. Turner. I don't even think he noticed me from people covering me with their heads. I doodle a bit on the assignment he gave us. I drew a lifeless face, a face no one will recognize at first glance, a face no one will remember one day. I know I am so foolish for doing this, but right now I feel like the whole world froze and nobody cares at all. I am like a machine taking in all the problems and trying to solve them all on my own. I watch the clock moving slowly, counting the seconds as they slowly decrease. I know I am not supposed to be paying attention to the clock, but to only Mr. Turner. His teaching depends on some of my knowledge. His voice fades away in my mind as I think about what's stopping me from everything. Myself. "Alexa?" There I hear his voice, the psycho's voice. As soon as I respond the most delightful sound comes on. Time for next period. I pack up fast and blend in with the group of people. I actually did it. I am out of the class without crying, nor feel dead inside actually...

    Classes and classes go by. Throughout every class I had to make up some excuse why I wasn't there that day. Constantly repeating it to every teacher and to other acquaintances. I can't really describe what I feel right now, but if I can it would probably be a new word I would make up since there is no word out there to describe it. Happiness is all around me, but somehow it doesn't reach to me. I really want to be a happy person and spread positivity everywhere, but I keep everything to myself. I look for James, but can't seem to see his brighten up smile. He must be lost in Isabell's world. With that thought coming in my head I guess I have no ride. I still have hope he will come around, come on he is my best friend he wouldn't forget me. I should give him a call.

     "Hey! Alexa!" Gosh this can't be good. It is Izzy drunk voice. That means she is with James drinking. He needs to stop drinking I worry about him. "Oh hey, where is James and where are you?" I can hear the blasting music through the phone. Why would they be in a club at this time? It's only three. I hang up the phone since there is no point in talking since I already know he probably ditched school with Izzy. Know I have something good to say about my best friends, they get drunk a lot. I sigh because I have no one. Ella and Kevin are both probably making out, yet they label each other as "friends".

    I walk the lonesome streets where only cars drive and barely any one walks. Lazy people.

     All I hear are the cars driving by. I put my headphones on and play the song with a nice melody. The bass and treble perfect. Sometimes when I listen to music I can feel myself be with the music and somehow relate to it. I walk with no expression on my face, I walk with no sound coming out. I walk silent. Alone. I feel so alone.

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"Just come it will bring that frown upside down!" My mom said. She wants me to go out to dinner with her, dad, my sister and her new boyfriend. To surprise me David and Kate are coming with. I am just not in the mood to see him, nor meet my sister's boyfriend. "Please! Alexa." I look down on the floor and try to make up my mind. I have been ignoring my family lately so I guess I will consider it. "I will go only if you promise me not to embarrass me!" I say. She nods her head and moves a piece of hair behind my ear. "So great to hear that! But I am choosing your outfit and I want no complaints." She leaves through the door before I even get a chance to complain. My mom is smart.

   I lay down on my bed and look at the moving fan. I close my eyes and glide my hands against my hair. I sway as music in my head plays. What I lovely tune I think it is. "Alexa! Shower now!" She yells and I freeze. I laugh to myself. I hop in the shower and do the same steps I always do in there. Wash my body then apply shampoo, after I just apply conditioner. Same old steps.

   I dry myself and look at the clothes my mom set for me on the rim of my bed. A black long sleeved shirt with these denim shorts. My mom does have a good sense in style. Props to her. I put them on and I love the way it looks on me. It is like I am a different person, yet the same. Now for my hair. What should I do? In a ponytail? Bun? Or just let loose? "Mom!" I yell. My throat hurts a little bit.

    "What's up?" Mom just don't use that. "Well as you can see by my damp hair I don't know what to do." She smiles. Then starts playing with my hair. She blow dries my hair and starts brushing my hair. My eyelids feel heavier and heavier as my mom repeatedly brushes my hair. It is like a massage.

  "Alexa!" I wake up from the little nap I took. My parents are all ready when I come downstairs. My mom is in a casual dress and my dad in a suit like always. "Your sister is meeting us at the restaurant." I nod my head and follow them out the door. I, of course sit in the back seat alone. The music they play is damaging my ears it is so bad no offense. I forget my headphones but not my phone.

    I get text messages from James and Izzy. I opened the ones from James first.

'Alexa!'

'Answer me! I miss you!'

'Don't talk to me ever again!'

'Don't leave me. I miss you. I am dying!'

Weirdo. Why is he texting me this? He totally forgot about me. Moving on to Izzy.

'I am lying'

Lying about what? They are just wasted and they don't know what they are typing. Guess they will be expecting a serious talk by me. I lock my phone and stare out the window. I was crazy thinking I would end up with David. I fake smile out the window. My mind drifts away from reality. I know it does and I say that constantly. I watch the car light the hit my face repeatedly.

                                           ******************

The breeze of Italian food hits my nose. Yum! From a far I see David's eyes. His meet mine and my insides turn into magic. That magical feeling inside of my body. "Alexa follow us." I was so distracted that I forgot about the real world. I walk over to the table we reserved.

       I watch how my parents greet David and his fiancé. Now it is my turn to greet them which is very awkward. "Hey! Alexa, you look so beautiful and wonderful. I wish I was still your age." Kate laughs and then I give her a hug. "Thank you, you look lovely." I smile. "Good evening Alexa." He said. He seemed different, but the same somehow. The way he speaking is so different. "Hello, David." I shake his hand and he backs away slowly to put his hands on Kate. Specifically her lower back like what he did to me. "Let's go ahead and sit down." My dad says and we all sit in a table. To my left is my mom and to my right is empty since my parents want me to sit next to my sister, who is apparently running late! Right in front of me is Kate and across from me is David. I feel like nowadays everything is awkward between David and I, but earlier it was like we were best friends and now he just screams at me. If I tell my dad then I know he would stop being friends. I don't want to ruin that because my dad rarely likes people.

      Minutes pass and I am so distracted by David. He wears the tuxedo so nice and I could see his muscles as he pulls off the blazer he had on. I feel so weak. Sometimes we would make eye contact and with those devilish eyes who would not start feeling so different way down there. I am not really hungry, just not in the mood to be eating. I want to lay in bed all day and tell all my sorrows to my pillow. "Mom, Dad!" I hear my sister, Alice voice. I put my drink down and turn around and see her. She is gorgeous and right behind her is Mr.Turner!!?!

    My head is spinning and my heart beats faster. I am so scared. "Hey Alice, Hello?"

"Adam." His voice is so low. He shakes my hand and I pull away fast. "I am going to the restroom." I say. I pick up my speed when walking. I turn around and they are all smiling. I shouldn't be here.