Burn out ✔️

Part 29

The same day Meredith had decided that she would rather go home than stay in psych ward. For now. Nick had tried his very best to make sure she would be as comfortable as possible but in the end she hadn't been able to sleep through the night, nevertheless. She had been yawning the whole time, laying around with her eyes closed but still, nothing worked and it seemed as if sleep was just avoiding her. Nick had tried to convince her to take a sleeping pill since they usually helped her and they had been prescribed to her anyways. But she had refused to take them, telling him over and over again that she would soon fall asleep and that she didn't want any medication to help her do so.

The only medication she did take where the ones for her arrythmias and the anti-anxiety ones although they somehow weren't working as well as in the beginning anymore. She had been shivering the whole time, even though he had brought multiple blankets and heating pads. But since she wasn't shivering from freezing but from fear it had no use. Nick had tried multiple times to get her to talk about what was on her mind and what she was so scared about but even though she did try to explain her feelings to him it didn't went very well since it only led her to have a panic attack.

The morning came and Nick noticed that they had nothing in the fridge so that he decided to head to the store before the kids would wake up. "Mer?" he asked carefully, knowing that she wasn't asleep. She tiredly opened her eyes, looking up at him from under the covers. "Mhm?" she asked, slowly sitting up as he sat down on the bed as well. "I'm going to go to the store because we don't have anything here." He said, gently stroking her cheek with a smile on his face. "Okay. I'll stay with the kids." Meredith said, leaning in to kiss him goodbye before laying back down again. "Call me if you need anything." He said while tucking her in again as she nodded.

Twenty minutes later Meredith awoke from her catatonic state that she had once again fallen into and sat up again. The kids would be up in a few minutes and she could already go downstairs to set the table and start prepping their lunch boxes. So, she quickly got dressed before quietly walking down the stairs and into the kitchen. Nick had been right, besides ketchup and some pickles there was nothing in the fridge. She started going through some shelfs but only found a bottle of tequila. It had been so long since she had had some tequila. But she quickly closed the shelf again, shaking her head. Well, too late, because seeing the tequila brought along memories. Memories of firstly Cristina then Derek and Lexie and although Meredith tried to prevent it from happening she started to be overwhelmed by everything crashing down onto her so that she had to sit down from the dizziness that made her vision blurry.

She slowly sat down on the floor, closing her eyes while trying to control her breathing. Everyone had left her. They had all died or moved away, far away. And everyone who was still here was disappointed in her, they all hated her, thought she was weak and disloyal. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her whole body was trembling. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder and as she opened her eyes she was looking up into the eyes of her eldest daughter, Zola. "Mommy? Are you okay?" the girl asked, scared of the unfamiliar situation. "I-I'm f-fine Zo." Was all Meredith could say since her breathing was extremely laboured and the crying wasn't getting less. This wasn't happening right? Because now, besides everyone else, she was even disappointing her own daughter. Meredith was terrified of appearing weak in front of her children and felt extremely embarrassed about her current situation.

"It's okay mommy, I'm here." Zola said, sitting down next to her mother and pulling her into a side hug. They sat like this for a while and Zola just tried to comfort her mother while Meredith was praying that this stupid panic attack would subside soon what made her even more anxious since she was scared that Bailey and Ellis would come down as well and see her like this. And they probably wouldn't be as understanding as Zola since she was already a little more mature and knew what a panic attack looked like.