Five Words

Chapter 34

~Ace

A year earlier...

My therapist has told me that I need to release all the tension I feel for me to momentarily forget the pain and emptiness I feel. That is what I have been doing since the very beginning. He was right about it helping me get through my days. When I started writing, I would smear my tears and blood on every paper. I would pour my heart and soul out, and surprisingly, it wasn't hard to find the right words. Till today, I haven't stopped writing in it. Every day, I would write what has happened throughout my day. I would feel somewhat relieved at the end. But this feeling doesn't last long enough for my liking.

I have also done another thing my therapist advised me to do. He's told me that if I close my eyes, I can get lost in the realm of my own universe. I can imagine a universe where I am happy, or away from the whispers, the accusations, the pointing. But every time I close my eyes, memories from long before burn in my mind. Every awakening thought is wrapped up in the past. Sarah. Juvie. My father. Court. I can't seem to forget. I can't distract myself.

And today hasn't made it any easier on me.

I sit across from my mother and Eric on the dinner table. Grandma is in her bedroom because her day was tiring.

"I'm sorry, Ace." My mother apologizes and I lift my eyes to see what she is apologizing for.

"I have to ask you, how was school today?" Her eyes are apologetic.

I give her a small smile and look back down at my untouched food.

"School was..." I take in a deep breath, "Worse than juvenile detention."

I have been delaying school for almost a week now, and my mother doesn't want to watch me ruin my life further by not studying and getting my diploma. I do agree with her for the sake of not making her feel bad. I have suggested that I be homeschooled, but she doesn't agree with me on this one. She doesn't want me to stay locked up inside the house like I'm on some kind of house arrest. She wants to see me go to college and become someone. An important someone.

I am afraid that I will never be able to give her that. I promised myself that I will try my best not to disappoint her.

When I first walked into school, I didn't think that it would be that bad. But life laughed in my face and hit me right with it in the face. It is just going to get worse. I didn't even think that there could be a worse.

"What?" Her eyes alternate between me and Eric, "Why?"

"It will get better." I move my food in circles.

"I can move you to another school. You don't have to--"

"No." I say sternly.

She has gone through enough troubles because of me, and I don't want to tire her further.

"If everyone is bothering you, then--"

I cut her off again, "No. You have gone through enough for me and transferring and taking my files and sending a request is a lot of trouble and just don't. Okay? Focus on what matters, mom. Your career and the business you have worked for so hard."

"Are you stupid?" She snaps at me, "You are my life. I don't care about my career or the company."

"Well, you should, mom. Look at what is happening to dad. His life's work is going downhill, because of me. I have caused enough for you and him."

"Don't even think of mentioning his name in this house."She warns me, and her eyes are threatening me. "Second, don't you dare say that this is your fault again or I'll beat you up."