Five Words

Chapter 37

~Cher

I am setting the plates on the table outside. He's said that it would be nice if we ate dinner in the air. I wanted to say no, but couldn't. I was going to cut dinner short. I didn't want to spend time with him in the first place because of my ambivalence. I think that I will be able to sleep it off, and maybe when they return from their trip, I will have everything sorted out by then.

I walk into the kitchen to grab a cup and that's when I see him already pouring orange juice into a glass.

His eyes meet mine and he smiles.

"I figured you would want some since you missed breakfast today."

I shall not get affected by this. I need to stop. I got my rejection and I need to get over it.

"You're filling one glass only?" I say.

"Yeah, one for you." He answers me as he returns the jar into the fridge.

"Come on." He grabs the glass for me and his other hand is on mine pulling me behind him.

I slip my hand from his and his footsteps halt. He looks at me over his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" He full-on turns around and I nod.

"I know the way," I say in a low voice and I don't wait for him to respond and I walk out.

I take a seat on the table and pick up the fork. I don't wait. I want this to be over as quickly as possible. This hasn't been my plan at all. I need to focus and go back to the way I was around him before we ever kissed.

I feel a blanket being draped over my shoulders. I straighten my back and I feel his fingers lightly graze my skin as he adjusts it so it rests perfectly on my shoulders. It's not even that cold but his gesture adds more weight to my heart.

"I don't want you to catch a cold." He says as he takes a seat.

I'm glad he didn't look into my eyes as he said that. I think I would've turned into mush and my lungs would've failed me.

"Thank you." I murmur and I poke the chicken with the fork and bring it to my mouth.

I focus on my food. I love food more than anything. I like it more than I like him. I focus on the sensations dancing on my taste buds rather than the ache in my heart.

"Cher." He calls my name.

His voice invades me.

I don't lift my eyes and I continue staring at my food.

"Hmm?"

"You're still mad at me, aren't you?"

I shake my head. I'm not mad at him. I was mad at him. Okay...maybe I'm mad at him for confusing me again leaving me with more questions than answers.

"It's been a long day and I'm just tired," I assure him and it's the truth.

"Oh..." he says, and he picks up his fork. "What did...what did you do?"

"The usual. I worked and I read that's all." I reply, "Are you feeling better? You know since..."

He doesn't answer me verbally, and he just nods his head twice.

"I think this trip will be useful for all of us."

"Ace..." I say softly, "I didn't change my mind."

"But I thought we were okay."

The guilt sits on my chest adding more weight to the burden I feel already.

"And we are." I affirm, "I think it's better. Don't you?"