Five Words

Chapter 36

~Ace

A year earlier...

I don't get it. I look over all these people and I don't get it. I try to understand them. But I can't. I just don't get it. How can they be so sure that I have raped Sarah? They don't even know me. They were there. They weren't witnessing what was happening. They fed on rumors and here they are.

I walk every single day at school without one person looking at me or even sparing me a glance. I walk and I watch. I see them looking at me. Some with horror in their eyes and others with disgust. One look into anyone's eyes and I see all the silent accusations clear as say.

I walk and I listen. I hear all there whispers. I hear what they have defined me as the label they have given me. I don't need to listen to them because they've written it all over my locker in red.

They're looking. They're talking. They're bullying. But I didn't do anything.

I. Didn't. Rape. Her.

I want to scream it. I want to scream it so loudly that it is engraved in everyone's mind. I want to scream it to the skies so that maybe it'll tell the truth. I want to scream it. But no one will listen. No one will listen to a rapist.

I see her walking down the halls. I see her stealing glances at me every once in a while. I see her slipping letters into my locker. I see her erasing whatever shit they write on my locker. I see her trying to make things better. I see her thinking that maybe I might forgive her.

I will never. I will never forgive her for the scars she has left. I will never forgive her for all those names I have been called. I will never forgive her for the bullying I have received. I will never forgive her for the time I have served to save her fucking ass that I didn't have the choice to save.

Everyone thinks she is the victim. She might be one. She is one. She is Daniel's victim. Not mine. But no one knows that. They all believe her. She confirms that I did it but behind all their backs, she goes around erasing their shit.

Fuck you, Sarah Keyes.

__________

"Hi, Ace." I hear her small voice.

Once I hear it, all of my feelings evaporate and I am left with nothing but pure hate and anger. It is strange how the person you've loved the most in the world becomes the only person you hate the most. One day lovers, and the next strangers.

I don't reply. I keep my head down in my book. The only reason she's speaking with me right now is that she knows that no one will come back out here. No one will come behind the football field at this hour. That's why she's here.

"Umm..how are you?" Her voice gets even smaller.

I still pay her no mind.

"Ace, I've been trying for weeks—"

I shove my book inside the bag and stand up. I don't want to listen to her pleas anymore. I can't stand it.

"Ace, wait!" She steps in front of me and her arms jut forward to stop me. "Please talk to me."

I shake my head and try to walk past her but she holds both of my arms and pushes me back.

"Please, I want to make—"

"To what?" I cut her off, "Make life easier on me?"

She nods her head. Her eyes are already watering. I'm tired. I'm sick of seeing her cry in front of me. She's been through shit and I've been through shit. But we're here because of her.

"I'm sorry, Ace." She slides her hands down and she catches my hands in hers. "You promised me, Ace."

"What did I promise you?"

Her touch is so familiar. For a second, I'm distracted by it.

"You promised that you'll always stand by me."

I laugh. Because that's the only thing I can do. I'm too emotionally drained to do anything else.

"I'm your rapist." She winces as if I have slapped her, "How do you think we'll be together?"

"Just come back to me and we will figure this out." She tries to touch my face but I jerk away, "My dad knows about what I did and he hates me now. My mom doesn't even know what happened because she's too busy with her new family. I'm alone, Ace. Please. I need you." She presses her head against my chest.

I can't believe she told her father. He is the most important person in her life. She must've expected that he would stand by her, considering that she's gone through a very painful experience. I feel bad that he's treating her like that.

I want to tell her that I understand. I want to tell her that I feel her. But I can't. She is the cause of both of our pains. I can't stand here and comfort her. I can't let her destroy me anymore. My heart can't take it. She needs me to save her. But where was she when I needed saving?

"What about Daniel?" Is what comes out of my mouth.

She shakes her head and sobs break through her.

"Please." Her hands move again.

She clutches at my shirt as though her life depends on it.

"Please, Ace. I am slipping away." She sobs.

I am slipping away too, Sarah.

I take her hands in mine and push them down by her sides.

"Don't talk to me anymore, Sarah. People will think I'm hurting you all over again. Don't come near me cause I don't want you to." I say all while she's crying.

"I don't want you near me anymore. Leave me alone." I say close to her face maybe this way she'll get it, "We will never be together. You ruined that for us. You ruined love for me. So stay away or next time, I'll expose you." I threaten her, but I know that deep down, I won't be able to ruin her life forever like she's ruined mine.

"Ace, please..." she tries to hold my hands again but I push her away from me and walk straight past her. "Ace!" She calls after me but I just keep going like I have been doing since the beginning.