Five Words

Chapter 40

~Ace

A year earlier...

"So I was thinking of New Zealand or Australia," Eric says out loud. "New Zealand is cheap and I can pay for college with all the money I saved up. I guess Australia is okay too, and after I finish college in Australia, I can become an Australian citizen and my dad won't be able to bring me back to Washington. What do you think?"

I am staring at the ceiling contemplating his words. Eric will leave. Disappear and start a new life on his own with no strings attached to anyone here. He will start his own life, and build a better one for himself. He will leave and no one will be left harmed. Maybe his younger sister might feel betrayed but I am sure he will come and see her. He is starting fresh.

I have thought a lot about leaving. I have thought a lot about having a life of my own that I can build on my own where no one knows me, where no one can judge me. This town has drained all the energy from me, the motivation, the compassion, and it left me with nothing but hollowness. It is no one's fault but Sarah's, but that is still hidden. The heartache and the sadness have left me too sore that I sometimes think that it is time that I left this place.

"I was thinking maybe I could go with you."

Eric extends his foot and kicks the side of my leg.

"Don't get me excited when you know that it won't happen." He says.

"No, I'm actually serious. What if I went with you?" I prop myself up and sit straight, seriousness evident in my tone.

"Why would you want to leave?" Eric asks me.

"Why would I want to stay?" I correct him.

"You can't leave. You have a family here. Your mother is doing everything she can to give you the life you deserve and you're asking me why you would want to stay?" He frowns.

"If anything this would be better for her. Think about it. Because of me—"

"Nothing happened because of you. It's because of the bitch."

"Okay, it is because of Sarah. And she chose to ruin my life which affected not only me but my parents. I have no future here, and I won't be able to be the writer I've always wanted to be, because no one here will give me a chance to hear me. All they do is judge me, and that won't get me anywhere, Eric."

"It doesn't matter, Ace. Stop letting people get to you and start thinking about your mother. She is trying her best to provide for you and get you into your dream college. She won't be able to do that when you abandon her."

I shake my head.

"She will have a better life after I leave. She can start going out again. She can seal deals. She can get back with my father if she wishes to. I won't be holding her back anymore."

Eric's eyes brim with tears as he roars with laughter like I have said some kind of joke and it was a fucking funny one.

"You think she wants to get back with Harold?" He asks me while wiping his eyes, "She hates that man."

"She doesn't hate him. She hates the fact that he didn't stand by her side. My dad has been trying to convince her to give him a chance. She wants to give it a try, but she doesn't want to because of me. So she filed a divorce so that she can't backtrack. She is doing it because she knows that I will never be able to forgive him. But she loves him so much and it hurts her to be away from him."

"You've got it all wrong. Trust me."

"Look, I know what she wants. The only reason I told my father to stay away from her is that she was so tired of rejecting him when all she wanted to do was give him a chance. If I go with you, she can give him a chance and she might be happy."

"You're insane."

"I'm not. And we can use the money from my publishing job to pay for some and I will keep working till then. I'm sure my mother will help us pay for it once I put her under the command of reality."

"You can't decide this way, Ace. You have to think about this. Think about it hard then decide."

"I will." I assure him, "Let's go down before she screams dinner."

He chuckles lightly as he gets off the bed and I do the same. I close my bedroom door and we start to go down the stairs and that is when I hear the unmistakable voice of my father.

"You deserve this, Paulina. Let me make it up to you."

Eric shakes his head and he is so ready to go and beat the shit out of him. I grab his arm and pull him backward. He whips his head around and opens his mouth. I bring my finger to my lips and ask him to stay quiet. I know that I shouldn't be eavesdropping and that I should barge in and throw him out like last time, but I need to know what she will say to him.

"No, Harold. I can't." She replies weakly, "Please leave before the kids come down. If he saw you, he will go back. Just leave."

"You don't want to or you can't, Paulina? Do you not want to give me a chance because you truly hate me or because you don't want to disappoint, Ace?"

I hold my breath, awaiting her answer.

"Leave, please. I can't keep doing this, Harold. Just sign the damn papers and leave us the hell alone."

"Answer me and I will leave. Do you not want me anymore because of Ace or because you don't want me anymore?"

"What difference does it make?"

"It makes a huge difference. I know you still love me, and I still love you. I will not give up on you ever again. I fucked up, and for that I'm sorry. I'm human, and I make mistakes."

"Not like this one. He will never forgive you."

"So you are willing to forgive me?" Hope overflows is his voice.

"Harold..." Her voice shakes...

"Answer me, baby. Please answer me."

"I...I want to, but I can't."

Her words grip at the strings of my heart and tug at them so hard and it hurts. Even though I knew, it still hurts to hear her admit it to him. I am keeping her from being with the love of her life. I am keeping her from being happy.

"Baby, we can be together again."

She doesn't respond to that, but I am guessing that she is shaking her head because of his response.

"No, we can. I will work my ass off to make things better with him. I want things to get better with us. I want my family back. I want both of you back."

"Harold, Ace will be down any minute now. Please leave." Her voice is weak.

She wants this. She wants us all to be one again. I'm afraid I will never be able to talk to him ever again.

"I love you, Paulina. I will make this right."

Then the inevitable finally happens, "I love you too, Harold. But we will never be a family again, I'm sorry. I can't do this to Ace. I'm sorry."

I stomp my foot against the wooden stair and I hear both of them gasp.

"Mom, why didn't you scream dinner yet?" I call out.

"Harold, leave." She whisper-yells. "I'm not done yet, darling. Just give me a second."

"Okay, we'll be in my room."

"Okay, sweetheart."

I pull the stunned Eric behind me and drag him into my room and I close the door with a loud thud so that she can calm her nerves down and get him out. I'm sure within a second he will be out of the house, and she will be calling us down.

"So you still need evidence that she is still in love with him and I am the one keeping her far away from happiness?"