The Night flower & Her Moon - Journey of Beginnings

Was it my fault

3 MARCH, 2022

"Why me??"

I repeated the question to no one but me, caged in the empty white walls looking brighter with the warm sunlight coming through the huge window, a single bed, a study table and a huge guitar carved on the ceiling with Plaster of Paris. I don't even know why I got it done when I rarely listen to music and very rarely to guitars. I like instrumental music. And flute is my favorite instrument to listen to. However, I listen to other instruments like drums, guitar and veena (Indian music instrument) sometimes but not as much as flute. I think, I have no other options or may be I am pretty choosy/picky/ignorant and may be silly. But about the ceiling, I think I had no better options as the maker couldn't make a flute so, I settled down for guitar. There are some musical notes around it and a ceiling fan in the middle of the guitar......... everything was.........as usual, I guess. But my stony stone heart was who was acting unusual.

Normally I have a good control over my stony stone heart. I have carved it into almost stony stone over the years but those moments!!!!! ....................... they make me weak easily and things start to fall apart again. This almost empty room becomes suffocating ............. white walls start to tease me about the dark shadows surrounding me ......................the lifeless guitar seems to play the heart-shattering sounds.................. silent music notes seem to encourage the dark shadows with their black color...........dust starts to settle down on the only comforting thing of this room....................the notepads on the table, holding all my imaginations, my vision, my dreams.................my hopes!!!!!

Hope before end ......... That's what I had been holding on strong for many years.

Nothing new was happening though. Only Life had been reminding me always how weak it can make me. I fight hard but sometimes all my strength, all my willpower gives up. Human body!!!! We have a limit for everything. But not life. Life keeps scratching the wounds of the past........... mercilessly, deeper .................. reminding us of ugly past, scattered present and hopeless future. LIFE!!!!

Yeah, this is my life. I, AADHYA, almost 34 years old brown woman I say, black eyes, neither thick nor thin lips, average height but extra long hair about to touch my knees. I truly like them out of the 'Whole Me'. Then unemployed and on top of that ............yet unmarried and single!!!!! By choice though!!!!

And it's only AADHYA...........yeah no surname. Why?? Why would I add the identity of the person who has killed all my happiness this far?? Who has taken all my hopes to be happy ever?? And for what??? Just because I am a girl child!!! Ridiculous!!!!!

Maybe it's not a big deal in many countries but there are a lot of others like India where being born as a girl child can turn into a cursed life for them. And the society, culture and traditions have double standards about it. On one side, they worship female idols every day to beg for prosperity and wealth. Even worshipping girl children on festivals as human replica of those idols. On the other side, they disrespect the females of the family and outside the family gladly and proudly every day because they are MEN. They have gotten this right by birth.

There are many excuses of man-dominated so-called society for this shameful legacy. They say girls need top-level protection and lots of money for weddings...........dowry is a better word for this. Like we started this so-called ridiculous tradition. Girls are also considered as the easy source of bringing disgrace to the family by loving a man by choice or getting abused/harassed/raped!!! What's wrong with love when they worship "God of love"!!!This is the supremacy of being ridiculous. I just have one question for such people "who harrases/ rapes their girls?? The girls??" Nahhhh, they are sorry excuse of men with same ridiculous thinking, twisted pride and self-obsession like those dominant humans worse than animals. The very truth is that we just need respect, a non-greedy and considerate environment which cowards like those people can't provide. So, they create hell for us. And what's worse............millions of females also nurture men's dominance as their prime and must duty and force slavery into their daughters' upbringing gladly. They abuse their girls for learning about their rights as human being to live gracefully. They glue them to slavery as their destiny. And being extra daring and submissive to their own slavery too. These great slave trainers also kill girls in their or other's wombs because they aren't their desired next generation of Dominators. Just one question for these extraordinary women.................... 'What are they, themselves????? Why don't they ask their mothers why they let them be born?? Why didn't they already kill themselves too???'