𝐂𝐄𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒; sapnap ✓

𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈.

CHAPTER EIGHT.
"irl and discord."

liv pushed away from her desk, seeing that sapnap had left her on read. she groaned, knowing that she had truly fucked up. she made an attempt to rationalize the situation before her imbalanced brain chemicals took over and made her overthink this entire situation. maybe he was just frustrated with her and it would blow over in a day or two. maybe he had a surprise for her and she ruined it. maybe he just cared about the views they would get and she wouldn't have to feel as bad about not going.

in her attempt to rationalize, her mind already took over and sent her into a panic. her eyes welled up as she tried to type an apology to him, but it was no use. she could barely type a sentence before the tears were rushing down. she was just making progress on becoming sapnap's friend and she blew it. she didn't even know how to articulate the true reason she didn't want to meet up with him.

obviously, she wanted to meet up with one of the nicest people she had ever met in her streaming career. but she wasn't ready to face reveal. she didn't want sapnap to see who she was and then be disappointed that she wasn't who he thought she'd be. her self image wasn't the best, hence the faceless streaming. she couldn't handle letting someone down simply because they didn't think she was attractive.

her hands furiously swiped her eyes, trying to rid them of her tears. she pulled her hands down to find black smeared all over them, which made her cry even more. now, her makeup was ruined so she wasn't even a pretty crier.

she found her way to her bed and allowed herself to fall apart. it had been nearly a month since she last cried and this was the cherry on top to push her over the edge. everything she had been keeping in, the hate comments, the insecurity, the stress and pressure she had been facing all came crashing down. liv wallowed in self pity until she was exhausted enough to pass out.

          liv awoke the next morning, briefly forgetting the events of the night prior. it only hit her when she reached for her phone, expecting a discord message from sapnap, that she remembered. this almost sent her into another frenzy, but she was not going to let herself cry again. he was just a stupid guy online that was probably only interested in meeting up with her for the views. this thought was meant to make her feel less bad about declining his invitation, but instead sent her into another breakdown.

after a few minutes, she pulled herself together and got out of bed, not even bothering to fix the sheets like she usually did. she made her way to the bathroom of her apartment, feet barely leaving the floor. she had work today and she needed to get ready. thankfully, it wasn't far away. the coffee shop she worked at was simply a staircase away from her. she looked at herself in the mirror and was practically jumpscared. her mascara from the day before was smeared all around her eyes, the bags under them were large enough to be a carry-on, and her hair looked like it hadn't been brushed in weeks.

          she went through her morning routine as she typically would. face wash, moisturizer, sunscreen, makeup, hair, toothbrush, change of clothes, perfume, done. by the end of it, she looked somewhat put together, but still extremely exhausted. she accepted her fate, put on her work shoes, and made her way to the little coffee shop beneath her apartment.

          it was a slow day, so olivia's boss let her leave early. liv assumed this had something to do with her tragic appearance. she trudged her way back up the stairs, unlocked her door, and slipped into the apartment. locking it behind her, she threw off her stupid little hat and her stupid little apron and her stupid little shoes that she had to wear for her stupid little job. her frustration from her current standing with sapnap was still festering in her brain.

          she walked into her room and sat down at her desk. when she turned on her monitor, she found the messages between her and sapnap from the night before still displayed. no new messages. nothing.

          she couldn't handle it anymore. she typed out a message and sent it before she could even think about it.

liv
call me.
(xxx) - xxx - xxxx