The 18th Floor

Chapter Thirty

New Year comes and goes, like Christmas its spent with me and dad at home later being joined by Dylan for more drinks till the morning. And like Christmas, I haven't heard from Lucien. The last time we texted was Christmas. I had sent him a message boxing day with no response. I put my unease aside due to the fact that he is with his family and is potentially not checking his phone.

I sent him a happy New Year text and never received a response to that either. Dread has filled my chest since.

I'm meant to go back into the office tomorrow, but can't help but feel something between us has shifted without me knowing. I'm worried, if he is ok or am I just being ignored? I don't know which option is worse the more I think about it.

I know I shouldn't overthink it, but it's making me spiral. When I woke up this morning to still no response I had a panic attack, thinking of every bad thing that could possibly happen to him. I thought about messaging Simon, but then I don't want Simon to know how often we started texting, outside of work. I tell myself that Simon would know if something happened to Lucien and would tell us.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about that night and I know I said I don't regret it, but something like guilt is gnawing at me, not for what I did, but who I did it with.

These past few days of not talking to Lucien has made me realise how much I slowly opened up to him over the past few months and I feel like an idiot for doing so. This is my boss; he could fire me when he's bored of me. Lucien is good looking and almost perfect in every way imaginable; I highly doubt I'm someone he would look twice at.

He has to deal with me and put up with all my needs at work, who else would want to deal with that all the time? For fucks sake. But then he asked me, asked me, to kiss him. Maybe it was the alcohol after all. But then we kissed again the day after. And ever since, all I can think about is kissing him. 

About doing more than kissing him.