The 18th Floor

Chapter Nine

One minute I'm driving home, the next I'm flipping through the air on the motorway. I don't remember what happens next other than waking up to my dad crying and the generic hospital white noises. Machines beeping, sirens, nurses' footsteps. I must have blacked out again because the next time I wake up there is an awful quiet. A silence so deafening that you know all it would bring is terrible news.

I see my dad in the corner of the room in a chair, but I don't have the time to speak to him. The time after that, I wake up screaming. But this isn't six years ago, this is now. And someone other than dad is shouting my name.

"Cyrene! Cyrene! Look at me, Cyrene. You are fine, we are fine, Cyrene, baby, please look at me" and I follow the voice of the hands that are on my cheeks.

My eyes and cheeks are wet, I don't remember crying. Why is dad looking at me like that. No. Those brown eyes don't match the cool blue of dads. These eyes are different but they call to home. Lucien.

Breathe. Lucien's car. Breathe. Going home. Crash. Crash, oh my god crash.

Not us. I can't breathe. I look at him this time properly checking for injuries. There's panic and fear, pure fear in those warm brown eyes. He looks fine. I look past him, out the windows. He's pulled away from the crash now behind us. We're surrounded by police and ambulances clearing up the derelict pieces of the car and helping those in the crash.

"Cyrene, please say something", I look at Lucien. Reality starts crashing in as he draws his warm hands away from my face too quickly as if he suddenly remembered they were there. "No one's hurt, they said that everyone involved is fine", he says breathless as I feel right now.

"I can't breathe", is all I can manage to say in between deep breathes. I've had a PTSD flashback in front of my boss. Breathlessly, I start apologising and he starts shaking his head as if to say no.

"You're okay. Breathe, in and out. You're okay baby. I'm here. Eísai entáxei. Eísai asfalís (you're okay, you're safe)", he gently whispers as he brushes my hair away from my face. Did he just speak Greek? I'm too out of it to know what's happening. I just nod, I have no words to share right now.

"I'm going to start the car again and drive you home, ok? We're going to get you home", he reassures me. I nod, I can't stop the tears no matter how hard I try to hold them back.

He watches me as he re-starts the engine and I try to hide myself from flinching. I nod again and he pulls out from the side of the road, and just like he said, we start the way home. From where we are, it's only a 10 minute drive but I feel each minute pressing in. I close my eyes and focus on steadying myself. He doesn't say anything but I start counting my breaths like how I was told to in therapy. I need to focus on something. I close my eyes but I'm greeted by the crash playing out. My crash playing out and then eyes, beautiful eyes that draw me back to reality.

I hazily hear the sirens in the distance getting fainter and fainter.

The next noise is his GPS letting us know we're here. At my house. I don't say anything. I don't make a move to get out. I just focus on my breathing keeping my eyes tightly shut.

There's a slight pause after he switches the engine off, almost as though he was going to say something but instead, he gets out first and goes to the back to get my wheelchair. My door opens up with my chair positioned next to it. It feels like a dream, a blur. Someone's still calling my name and telling me what they're going to do but I can't concentrate on them.

All I hear is crashing and sirens and machines beeping. I keep counting, keeping my eyes closed. I feel myself being lifted up, but I don't get put back down in the chair. A pair of strong arms carry me through a set of doors and lay me on a bed. There are more muffled noises, a set of two voices, in the background but before I can say anything else, darkness claims me.