The 18th Floor

Chapter Forty Eight

My hands start shaking and my breathing hitches. I don't think I heard him right, there is no way he said what I think he has just said.

"What?", is all I can manage to say.

He drops his head in between his knees and brings it back up again and sighs.

"We had met, a few times before", he explains, the explanations still not making sense. I turn to Simon for clarification but his face doesn't indicate that Lucien is lying.

"I... I don't understand", I turn back to Lucien.

"I'm not surprised you don't remember. It wasn't anything significant. To be honest I'm not sure how it didn't occur to you before", he says but nothing of what he is saying makes sense to me.

"Lucien, explain", I breath out trying to stop tears from flowing.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I should have told you sooner, but you didn't remember so I didn't say anything. We went to university together. The first term", he finally gets out.

I look at him. In shock and confusion. Trying to piece together everything he has said. Trying to remember back to the few months before my life turned upside down but only being greeted by blank memories. Instead, I think back to the day I had my interview. When I was looking around his office and saw his degrees hanging on the wall and considering whether we were in the same year or not before I had to leave my first university.

"I knew you didn't remember after your first few days, and then when you told me after you don't remember much before and after the accident, I knew you didn't remember meeting me", he says looking at me, eye to eye. I see the grief in his eyes, some levels of regret too.

"We were on the same course, but we didn't have any classes together. I saw you once on the first week during induction and how beautiful you are", he laughs to himself.

"I had hoped you were on my course, and you were. There you were roaming around campus looking for classrooms. I saw you every now and again in the corridors, at the library. But then you turned up to a Greek society event."

I listen to Lucien recreate the scene, a scene that is so set in his memory but missing from mine.

"And then you sat next me, by some stupid luck you sat next to me. We spoke for a bit but it wasn't long before they started some activity and then you were pulled away. I didn't even get your name. I didn't tell you mine. All we had was those 3 or 4 minutes of brief conversation and the rest of the night in a space together full of other people but I somehow only had my eyes on you."

I feel my tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I went home that night to an empty house and somehow it didn't feel as lonely. I messaged Simon that night", he says looking to his brother, "saying some shit like I think I found the one", he laughs again to himself. My hands still shaking trying to take in everything he's saying.

"Told him how I found this beautiful girl in the first few weeks of uni. But then...", his voice hitches, "but then you never came back. I never saw you in the corridors again", he admits. Simon sits on the sofa next to him.

"I know it's stupid, so dumb, but I liked you from the moment I saw you Cyrene. But then you vanished. And nobody knew where you went. I didn't even know your name. Until a course leader announced your name and that you weren't coming back. I didn't know what had happened to you, nobody did. But then you came right into my office one day, several years later. I wasn't sure if it was you at first when I saw your name, but then I saw your face and I knew."

"You're in a wheelchair", I say, repeating back what he said that day.

"I... I didn't know what had happened to you", he says. I look at him and then look at Simon and then back at Lucien.

"Why did you hire me", I say, clearly not what Lucien was expecting me to ask.

"What?"

"Is it because you felt sorry for me?", I say, swallowing back the lump in my throat.

"Cyrene, no of course not. I've meant every word I've ever said to you."

"Lucien", I get out, "I just don't understand."

"Cyrene, it doesn't change anything for any of us, it doesn't change anything between us", he pleads.

"But it does Lucien."

"What? What does it change?"

"You knew me! You knew me before and you didn't say anything!"

"Cyrene, I love you for who you are now! I wouldn't call those few weeks of university knowing you", he shouts, standing up to make his point.

"Lucien, please", I whimper. I look to Simon, "I need to go home".

Simon looks to Lucien and I see Lucien's face break into a million pieces.

"Cyrene. Cyrene please, please don't leave me."

"I need to breathe", I say not sure what else to say.

"Cyrene please. I lost you once, I can't lose you again", he says coming up to me, kneeling before me.

"Lucien. Please, I need to think right now and I can't", I say behind the tears that are falling.

"Let me at least take you home."

"Simon call an uber" I say, taking my jacket and bag and making my way out the door. Leaving Lucien behind in his living room on his knees.