The 18th Floor

Chapter Sixty Five

As the weeks go by, I find myself returning back to my normal rhythm. Me and Lucien have fallen in sync with living together. I enjoy the mornings where I wake up to him cooking us breakfast, shirtless. Our dinner nights that usually up in a mess and more than one type of dessert. The flowers that sometimes show up unannounced for but the smile on his face gives it away.

We spend the weekends either at my dad if I'm not at therapy or with Simon staying around at ours and finding a way to pass the time all together.

For the first time in my life in a long time, I feel rooted. I feel as though I have found my footing and I am at a point where I'm excited for the next day ahead rather than dreading it. I've even felt the heavy pressures of anxiety in my chest lessen, despite the occasional anxiety attack here and there, they don't feel as bad or scary as before.

"What are you smiling at?", Lucien asks from across the kitchen. I knew Lucien liked cooking before I moved in, but I never expected him to be a full blown chef. I can't complain, I don't mind watching him cook for me whilst I lounge on the sofa.

"I'm thinking about how good looking Simon is", I tease and he flips me off.

"Unfortunately, Simon's good looks won't be inherited by our kids", he says back turned to me.

"Oh."

"Oh?" he asks head turning back over and I see the silent questions cross his face.

Kids. I hadn't thought about kids. Well, of course I had but we've never had this conversation.

"You want kids?", I ask quietly.

"You don't?", he asks and I sense a small panic rising within him as he's fully facing me now. He's in grey joggers and a plain white t-shirt, black cap on his head and I suddenly feel like I can't think straight with how good he's looking whilst talking about kids.

"I want kids", I say feeling a bit breathless. "But not right now. Not for a while. But I can have them. It might be harder than some pregnancies, but it's possible", I say to him watching something ease in his chest. I watch as he crosses the kitchen and comes down to give me a kiss, so deep I'm scared we're going to start the process now.

"I want our daughter to have your eyes", he whispers to me and I feel the goosebumps cover the surface of my skin. "There's no rush. When you're ready. I don't want anyone else on this earth to be the mother of my kids other than you. Anyone. I can't think of a more worthy woman to bring up my children", he says stroking my hair out away from my face and I feel my eyes prickle with tears.

"I hope they have your charm", I sniffle sudden overloaded with emotion. He kisses me again.

"Will you be, okay? If you were to get pregnant?" he asks. "I won't let you do it if there's any harm to you. We can look at different routes when the time is right", he says taking a seat next to me and pulling me onto his lap and into his arms.

"I asked about it. A few years ago. It was one of the questions I was always scared to ask", I say as I feel

his hand make circular patterns on my back. "I can get pregnant", I say meeting his eyes that seem to be blooming for a new love. "We would need to do health checks for my health at the time, but it's possible. It may even be possible to have a natural birth", I say as I lean into the crook of his neck.

"We do what's best for you. When the time is right", he clarifies.

"I always wanted to be a mum. Even when I was young. I use to say I would be the best mum, that I wouldn't abandon my kids, like my mum, and I would always show up. I would be there for every school play or sports game. Be like my dad who played both the roles. But then I felt like I wouldn't be able to do any of that, so I stopped thinking of being a mother. I couldn't even look after myself, how could I look after this pure soul who's just entered this horrible world", I tell him and I feel him pull me in closer.

He kisses my head. "You would be an amazing mother. The best. You would teach them compassion,

trust, confidence and show them everything they would ever need in this world."

I sniffle to stop the tears from falling.

"You would be a great dad too", I say smiling.

"We would be pretty cool parents. Do you, do you ever think about finding her?" I pause at his question. It's not like it isn't something I haven't thought of before.

"No. If she wanted to me to be in contact with her, she would have found me by now. Dad always wrote to her. I don't know where the letters or the texts went to, but I know he did. She knew where we were and she never came in 26 years. I don't need her showing up now", I tell him feeling slightly guilty that he doesn't have a chose in seeing his parents.

"She doesn't deserve you anyway", is all he says as he pulls me up and straddles me across his lap. His lips meet mine in a violent exchange, whilst I feel his hands under my t-shirt. "Imagine missing out on all of this."

"Eager to get started?", I tease.

"Only if you're ready", he smiles back. Oh gods, even during times like these this man is always putting me first. What did I do to deserve him?

I take his cap off and put on me, following by removing his shirt. My hands follow the outlines of his abs, mouth drying at the sight of him and his built arms.

"Do you think of me when you're working out at the gym?"

"Cyrene", he moans, "I'm always thinking of you. There isn't a moment where your freckled face doesn't cross my mind. Even when I'm near you I miss you. I can't get enough of you."

I feel his hands slip down to my arse and suddenly I'm in the air in his arms, making our way to our bedroom whilst my lips are locked onto his. He places me gently on the bed.

"Take off my clothes", I tell him.

"With pleasure", he grins, as articles of clothing start flying onto the floor, until we're both staring at our naked bodies.

My mouth dries every time at the sight of him, at the length.

"I need you in me Lucien", I please, aching to grab it.

"Lie down", he says, voice full of passion. I do as I'm told. I feel a slight tingle as I see his fingers start working.

"I need more Lucien."

"I said, lie down", he purrs into my ear, one arm above me and the other below. I feel my insides start to light; every corner of my body highly aware.

"More?", he asks and I nod. And then my body explodes as he plunges in and I feel as though I am shattering and rebuilding and shattering on an endless loop. We find our rhythm and I don't know if I'm screaming Lucien's name or if it's in my head.

We're both in a breathless state when he pulls out. "No kids today", he jokes.

"No", I say back, trying to catch my breath.

After what feels like a night of intense cardio, he lies down next to me as I get close into his chest. His heart beating in my ear.

"My heart beats for you", I say.

"Orkízome óti den tha borúsa na s' agapó perisótero ap' óso s' agapó tóra, ki ómos xéro óti ávrio tha s' agapó pio polí."

"That's not fair", I say poking his chest.

"Learn Greek properly", he says and I poke him again.

Just as I feel myself dozing off, I hear him whisper, "I swear I couldn't love you more than I do right now, and yet I know I will love you more tomorrow."