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After 𝓼𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓪𝓵 excruciating hours, Hijikata and I reached the headquarters with Sanan in tow. We both switched off carrying him to lessen the load, but eventually we made it.
Hijikata immediately takes Sanan to his room as I begin to I follow after, "No, please go get the captains and Kondou." He urges as he walks off with the dazed male.
I sigh and begin to follow orders like a good dog, walking over to the main hall where the captains are usually resting or having dinner. I swing open the shōji door startling the captains and Chizuru inside. They are all puzzled to see me, clearly not expecting me to be back so soon.
"It's Sanan...he's been injured."
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(Hijakata POV)
After sending Mairin away I help Sanan to his room, settling him down on his folded futon in the corner. 'His wound is serious and his fever hasn't lessened...' I furrow my brow as I unfold the futon to lay him down.
He groans but complies as I use my sleeves to wipe the sweat of his brow.
I hear multiple footsteps and look over to see the little peanut gallery but also our intermediate physician, he'll have to do.
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(Mai Pov)
After treating Sanan, we all leave him to rest and then meet in the dining hall. The looks on the captains faces damped after seeing Sanans injury. Chiruzu, oblivious as ever, smiling happy that Sanan is in better health.
"Why are you all so gloomy? Sanan is here and getting better. Why so down?" She asks, tilting her head slightly at the captains around us.
"....Chizuru..." Heiske says with a solemn voice, his usual demeanor shattered away.
"Chizuru...without his use of his arm he wouldn't be able to wield a sword." Harada says with a frown, his cheerful flirty persona gone.
"But...that isn't so bad. He can still do things without a sword." She says so innocently, clutching her sides tightly.
"Chizuru. Without his weapon, a samurai is nothing." I say with a frown, down casting my head shutting my eyes tightly. 'If only I was quicker....'
"O-ohhh...." She says dejectedly.
Silence overcomes us all, making us uncomfortable with sadness. All knowing and awaiting Sanans fate, hoping he gets better.
I squeeze my eyes and borrow myself in my knees.
"I...I was so close." I shudder, tears threatening to fall from my eyes.
"I should have been there to save him." I shake my head, squeezing my body tightly.
"Mairin...that isn't true. You saved him" Hijikata says as he comes up behind me and rubs my back comfortably.
"No. I could have..if only I was quicker..." I shudder once more, now understanding my failure and the pour torment and torture Sanan may be put through.
"Mairin, you can't blame yourself." I hear Saito say, his soft mellow voice slowly soothing me but unfortunately it isn't enough.
"I'm sorry, please excuse me." I announce, not wanting pity or anyone to see me vulnerable. I stand up and quickly excuse myself as I walk out of the room and closing the shōji door behind me.
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Walking down the steps and finding some shade under the tall oak tree, I sit down near the tree. Taking deep breaths I calm myself down, 'when did I even care about such things? About messing someone's life? Hell. Have I grown attached to these people?' I think as I rub my head to try to understand my sheer utter turmoil.
'I couldn't have grown attached...I mean...it was just one night with the guy. Sure he made me feel like I was in heaven but it was one night for god sake...' I sigh, frustrated and somehow accepting defeat that I've grown to like the people here, even if I didn't mean to.
'If only I could have thought of a better plan on the fly, not some half witted, use me as bait kind of thing. God dammit.' I furrow my brow upset with myself. I sigh, 'unfortunately there isn't anything I can do about it now, it is in the past and I shouldn't be dreading on it.' I think as I rub my head once more to try to rid away of the tears threatening to fall.
"Hey, are you alright?" I hear a voice ask as I jump in fright, not expecting someone to be there due to not hearing them approach. 'damn, I must've been deep in my thoughts to be able to not hear him coming.' I think as I look at my intruder, Shinpachi.
"Yeah, im fine now." I turn towards him and give my a smile that is clearly forced. He squints his eyes and sits beside me, resting his back against the tree as well. He sighs and looks back at me once more.
"Things happen in this work field, we can't keep dreading over the fact that we could have 'done better'... just be glad you brought him back. That is more than enough." Shinpachi says as he rubs my shoulder to comfort me.
I give him a genuine smile as his words start to make me feel better, 'yeah, I did aid his recovery. Hopefully my quick aid will increase his chances of being able to wield a sword again.'
"Thank you Shinpachi, I really appreciate you helping me." I say emotionally as my voice wavers slightly, 'these people here are too nice. I shouldn't get attached so easily.'
"I don't know what I'd do without you."
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Date: 1/26/23
((My bad y'all. I forgot about this story 💀))
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My charm? (Hakouoki Fanfic)
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