Reena Desai: Kill Lady

Chapter 23

"I think I am pregnant."

I gulped audibly, when I said the words screwing my brain.

"Can you please wait outside, Anu?", I requested.

"I'll be just outside the door," she said, walking away hesitantly, as she surveyed the surroundings.

"Sit down, first," said Dr. Latha, gesturing to the chair.

"Tell me what happened. This is a safe space," she said.

"I had.... Unprotected... Sex... Around five weeks ago," I confessed.

"How long has your period been delayed?"

"Ten days," I said, softly.

She nodded.

"We'll get you tested immediately. We should get the reports in two days. Try not to worry too much," she said.

Thanking her profusely, once more, I walked out, where Anu was waiting.

"Back to KGF," I said.

**********

Two days later:

I still hadn't gotten my period. I tried showing up at work and maintain a semblance of normalcy. I didn't know if I were being paranoid, or I felt everyone's judgmental eyes on me. I was grateful for Anu's impassive face, as we went to Bangalore once again.

"Doctor," I greeted.

"Reena, have a seat, dear," said Dr. Latha, warmly.

"What about the results, doctor?", I asked, tensed.

"Relax, child. Your tests came back negative. You're not pregnant," she said.

Breathing a huge sigh of relief, I put my hand across my face.

"Thank you! Thank God," I whispered, tremulously.

"I take it, you haven't gotten your period, yet?"

I shook my head.

"Have you been under extreme stress, lately? Are you sleeping well?"

I thought about it...

My father's murder...

Rocky getting shot...

That night...

Vikrant's death...

I nodded, tentatively.

"That could be the reason. And pardon me for the question. I'm sorry about your father," she said.

I nodded again.

"Stress messes up your hormones. I'll prescribe you medication to get your period, but you need to make some lifestyle changes," she continued.

"Okay, doctor."

She peered at me kindly, through her spectacles.

"Do you want to talk about it, Reena?", She asked, concerned, "you can if you want to. This is a safe space."

I sighed, and looked at the window. The idea of talking to someone, was already lightening my mood.

"I fell in love with a man, but I don't think our ideas of love are same. He wants to lay a claim on me, like a property. He did something, I'm struggling to live with. I can't come to terms with any of this," I said, wondering if I made sense.

"Do you still love him?"

"Yes," I said, instantly.

She gave me a bitter smile.

"Has he apologized? Can you forgive him for it?"

I sighed, again.

"He did, but I can't. I don't know what to do. Will love be enough, even if he doesn't trust me or see me as a person beyond the object of his desires?"

"Based on my life experiences, love is never enough," she gave me a rueful smile.

"What do I do, then?"

"Nothing. Give yourself time to get a grip on your life. Talk to people. One day, when the time comes, you'll know whether to hold on or let go. Only time will tell," she said, "but this is just my take on life."

I nodded.

"You're not alone, dear. It is okay to miss the people you have loved and lost. Their memories will give you the strength to move forward. Feel it, instead of repressing it. Many think expression of emotion is weakness, but it takes greater courage than bottling it up and waiting to explode," subtly signalling the end of our session.

"Thank you, doctor. I feel much better," I said, gratefully, standing to go.

Before, I could leave,

"Reena, you might need these to avoid panic visits in the future," she said, extending a small box.

I peered curiously to find a box of -

"Condoms. Don't forget it next time," she said, professionally.

My face, an ugly red, accepted it and fled the room like a coward.

**********
Knowing that I wasn't pregnant, gave me a new lease on life. Unburdening my heart to Dr. Latha, made me feel lighter. It was on a slightly better note, that I left to KGF.

Only to find a helicopter land on the helipad.

My heart squeezed, as I saw the long-haired, broad-shouldered man in a grey suit, emerged wearing black shades. He paused on seeing me. The whirring blades of the chopper, set the perfect background of a storm.

"Sona," he breathed, removing the glasses. His eyes ran over my face, as if memorizing.

He signalled Anu and the guards behind me to leave.

"Are you unwell? I flew home immediately, after I heard that you went to a hospital. I'm sorry. I know you don't want to see me, but please, are you alright? What's the matter with you?", He asked, frantically.

"I'm in good health. Don't worry about me."

"Then why?", He asked. He raised his hand towards me, but let it fall to his side.

"Just a check-up," I said, casually.

We stood silently, as unsaid feelings swirled around us. How can love and hate coexist? That too for the same person.

"Speaking of, don't you think you should build a hospital here? First aid is not enough for dangerous work like mining," I said.

"Your wish is my command, Sona."

I huffed, turning to leave. I was surprised and disappointed that he didn't walk with me. The emptiness beside me mocked at my bleeding heart.

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