Ona Aria's Poetry Collection (2022-2024)

Empty Space

Empty Space
I really badly want to withdraw to the comfortable hole that I reside in.
But I am forcing myself to stand above the sundering waves below me.
 Like a scratch in my soul... All I want to is to pull away from social constructs.
To hide in my pain and suffer alone.
To suffer in these loud thoughts that make me feel. small
Hide away for a while until the fleeting feelings leave, Because I seem to fuck up everything, I touch...
I know I know; People love me.
But when I hear its voice shout within in me
 "You are not enough, ".
"You are. worthless..."
"You... Ona are a fake a façade, nothing to be loved,"
Nobody can hear it when it screams inside me.
Tearing my neurons from themselves
Mitosis in a violent way.
It's easier to be alone, because I have worn my heart on my sleeve, and it only ever got bruised.
 I know people care; I know there is mental health resources. But it can't help the inner voice that screams at me.
I am so used to be ignored that I force myself to be ignored, Empty Space is where I have always been.
 It's so hard to come out and be social.
When these screaming thoughts attack me
They thwart me, So motivational for other people's lives
But it feels like I don't have a hand to hold
I've always had to be bold
There is a lion roaring within me, But the lion sometimes is beaten back with whips of words. Words spoken over me... And about me.
 Effort bleeding from my bones, reaching a level of perfection that is unobtainable.
Where do I go when there is no hand to hold? Why are there so many expectations if Christ sets me free?
Why do family members demand so much of me, Becoming my inner voice. I can't think. For myself.
 These are lies told to myself but when the mood drops like the beat on a dubstep song, I feel like I am in rushing rivers holding onto a log that once was a boat.
 Floating with nothing but my wits and will to survive.
 I am so sorry that how I feel makes anyone feel worthless.
 I never speak but in poetry, I don't want people to think of me as a complainer.
 Always there for everyone...
Why do I want to stay in this Empty Space.
Where I have been my whole life.
Hide within the void and do not be noticed; It's easier to suffer in silence.
Then people don't say you are selfish for how you feel.
Written words unspoken; Pain written on countless pages.
I feel like no one loves but I know that- that is a lie.
But yet here I sit feeling like the garbage frozen and forgotten on the top of Mt Everest
Begging to be known but when I am known I just want to run away.
 The child inside is so very afraid. The barbed wire walls around this heart of mine.
 only a few can get passed the booby traps laid out across the hallways of my thoughts.
It's a constant battle.
Stuck within quicksand unable to stand, crashing into moods like an airplane into the marinas trench.
It's like a clawing motion inside my soul.
I can't make it stop when I am down. Falling off the water... fall, towards ending doom.
 This Empty Space is all I ever known...
I know no one hates me but I don't think anyone likes me Ethier.
I battle these feelings alone and in poetry... For I feel worthless. And it's a feeling that turns into an emotion.
 An emotion that sinks my conscious ship deep into my sub-conscious, Going down into the depths of darkness of the sea.
Where the pressure is the hardest. Told I am a diamond, but I only feel like coal.
 There is beauty in my pain, fire in my ashes; But reborn mixed with sadness only makes depression bubble from the cauldron