Ona Aria's Poetry Collection (2022-2024)

Woman of Flame

I fight up the mountains of regret and despair.
 I self-analyze until there is nothing but lies.
Tear the curtains down why does my brain hound me so.
Oh, the woe inside my soul yet I am healed but bothered to be in control.
 I have told the world that I am not strong.
 I am just good at putting on a show.
But I am the act.
The act that never ends.
Fake smiles until I am down on my knees.
Begging God please to take my pain.
The screaming within that I will always be used in the end.

 Is something that is my worst nightmare.
 I tear at the thoughts of being loved because being neglected is like a stiff drink that puts me back on track for the weekend.
 But then that dreadful Monday comes and reality sets in.
That I am alone, and I always have been.
But I reprimand myself and scream and shout that's not true.
 But between me and you I know that it is.
 I lie to myself to comfort myself so that i don't see beyond my rose-tinted glasses.
That I am half assing through life.
 Strife has always been what I have known Chaos turning care and care turned to loathing. Hosing down any dreams that I've had of being worthy.
I am just a dirty wash rag you use once a week.
To sit back up on the shelf and never speak.
 I am weak, I am not strong.
 My knees buckle every time I have a panic attack.
Relax they say, it will all go away, but it never does.
I am sorry that I feel this way and I know no one wants to think too deep.
But when I speak the ocean flows from me because I am as deep as the Marians trench
 Drenched in the pressure that keeps me alive.
Pounding on this skull of mine.
Why do I trust, why do I try?
When all of it is a lie, I can't withstand the torture of being lied to.
 By others or by me.
But I just can't help it you see.
I can't take the pressure of reality.
Reality is that inflation is at an all time high and my depression screams "Just get it over with,"
But I can't. Letting go of the people that hurt me has become my identity.
There is no serenity everyone is my enemy.
 Loathing on the past does me nothing but shoving and gushing at the core of my heart.
 Depart from me demons, slithering snakes full of hate and fake words.
I hurl into the dirt, a grave that I have dug just for you.
 I am done being the person, the character you knew.
 Its over its done, and the night is young.
But the dawn is new and with that I will have slew the pain and terror haunting me down in every area.
No one will take my kindness for granted.
For I have now branded freedom's mark on my soul.
I will stay free and will not be caged you see.
 For I am a ravaging monster, a woman of flame. I will burn you where you stay.
Don't mistake me when I say "My wrath is as large as my love" ~fin~