Seren's nightmares had come back in full strength after her almost-drowning episode. She would wake up screaming and thrashing from a nightmare before jumping out of bed and puking her dinner up. Although each night they changed slightly, the one thing all the nightmares had in common was that she drowned every single time. Tonight, she had been forced back into the Cauldron. She was held down for so long that she couldn't resist the urge to open her mouth and drink down lungfuls of water. But the problem was that she couldn't just die. She continued to wake up inside that Cauldron before drowning all over again.
Sitting back from the toilet, Seren wiped her mouth with a washcloth. She sat on the bathroom floor, shaking from the chills that racked her body. After a couple minutes, Seren stood up and took to the sky. That was the only way she could calm herself down. Every night, Seren would vomit her guts up and then fly until morning. She could never fall back asleep after her dreams had woken her up. Eventually, she would make it back into bed just before sunrise and sleep until after lunch.
She knew everyone in the house could probably hear her screams but thankfully nobody ever mentioned it. She wasn't ready to talk about it and assumed Rhys had filled in the rest of the Inner Circle about what had happened in the Summer Court. She felt Rhys's dark presence behind her, following her through the night sky. This was the routine they followed every night.
She would tire herself down by flying over Velaris and Rhys would follow from a safe distance away. Seren never understood why he didn't just go back to bed, she flew the same route every night with nobody else in the sky. Although she didn't understand why he did it, she was secretly grateful to him for not leaving her alone. Seren never turned around to acknowledge him but she silently thanked him for being there every night.
A couple days after they had gotten back, Seren had tried to take a warm bath. Even though she had never felt comfortable in cold water, she had taught herself to like warm baths and thought it might soothe her mind. But as soon as she had gotten in, she panicked and ran to the toilet to throw up.
The fact that she couldn't even stand a warm bath made her want to punch something and cry at the same time. She had been forced by her own body to take burning hot showers if she wanted to wash herself but even that water gave her an uncomfortable feeling in her chest.
The times Seren hadn't been sleeping or flying, she was out on the training roof. After taping up her hands, she would punch the wood over and over. She was looking for a way to forget about the Cauldron and drowning. Seren had found that the pain helped. It wasn't a permanent solution, but she would do anything to get a temporary reprieve from all of the fear and terror she felt constantly. Even if that meant each night her knuckles were red, swollen, and bleeding. She would rather feel the physical pain than process the emotional pain.
She knew she was out. She knew it had been years since she had been forced into the Cauldron. She knew she wouldn't be trapped in that room again. She knew she would never have to go into either again. But all of these thoughts could not stop her nightmares. And although nobody ever said anything out right to Seren, they all had their own ways of trying to comfort her and cheer her up.Mor would always bring Seren fancy pastries that she had found in the different bakeries of Velaris. She would make sure Seren had gotten out of bed and was sitting on the couch by lunch time. They would sit, drinking tea and eating pastries, while they chatted. Mor always invited Seren to come with her while she hunted for bakeries but Seren declined every single time. She didn't want to taint Velaris with her sour mood.
Every single time Seren saw Cassian, he would give her a big hug and ruffle her hair. He would be practically glued to her side when they were in the same room, slinging his arm around her and cracking jokes. Whenever Seren was with him, he did anything to make her laugh. Cassian probably thought that he could make her happy if he only got her to smile enough times.
During one of the particularly hard days that Seren couldn't get out of bed, Amren came in and gave her a present. Seren smiled weakly at Amren and joked that she had never seen Amren get a gift for anyone. She opened it to find a beautiful sapphire and diamond necklace. Amren helped her walk into the bathroom to put on the necklace and as Seren saw it sparkling in the light, she couldn't hold back a small smile. Amren knew her so well, she could never resist jewelry.
But she couldn't help but feel slightly guilty every time she saw Amren going along in her everyday life. And she was too chicken to ask Amren how she managed to stay calm during all of this. She was worried about appearing weak or not worthy once everyone found out how much she was struggling with life. Seren was too scared to ask for help because everytime she had asked for it, the knowledge of her weakness had been used against her. Being taken advantage of again was something Seren would do anything to avoid.
Azriel kept her company while she trained and never mentioned the blood dripping down her fingers. He occasionally offered up pointers on where she needed to correct her stance or strike. Seren felt safe with Azriel. He never pushed her to talk. He would only stand there and be the steady force that she relied on and needed to remain calm. Although she loved all her other friends, she found she related to him the most. She figured that he knew what it felt like to try and hide from your fears. To choose the pain over the numbness.
Although Rhys was High Lord of the Night Court and probably had way better things to do, he would check up on Seren constantly. The worry and concern radiated off of him. He would constantly find excuses to come and see Seren. She wanted to tell him that he didn't need the excuses to talk with her.
But she could tell that he was at his threshold for stress. She had gone to sleep one day and when she woke up, Rhys had moved his desk into her room. He was sitting, reading and annotating a piece of paper. He looked up from his paper for a moment, "Good morning."
He then resumed his work. Seren thought it strange that he had decided to move his desk into her room but who was she to judge? She knew that if she asked him to leave, he would. But she didn't ask him to leave. It was kind of nice having someone with her.
He never said anything about it, so neither did she. Every day when she would come back to her room, hands bloodied and dead tired from training, Rhys was there. She would shower and brush her teeth before getting dressed in some cozy pajamas. When she came out, she would flop onto her bed and curl into a ball on her side, not even caring enough to get under the covers. She stared at the white walls until her eyes grew too heavy to keep open.
As she was drifting off to sleep, Rhys would take her hands in his. When Seren was woken up from her nightmares and puking her guts out in the bathroom though, Rhys was always gone. But her hands were always healed. The skin was just as flawless and smooth as before. Her blankets were also always tucked around her. And the clothes she had left strewn across the floor haphazardly because she could care less about the state of her room, were folded back in her closet.
Seren had never had anyone take care of her before. She had never had a group of people who cared enough about her to help her. Yes, Amren had always been with her. But Amren usually couldn't provide her with a whole lot of help. Whether the reason was because of the tattoo on her forehead or the rock walls that caged them in, the truth was that their past had been unpredictable.
She knew she was second in command of the Night Court and probably had duties to fulfill. After all, a war was brewing across the sea. But her friends took the time to care for Seren and comfort her in their own unique ways. It was love that surrounded her. Love that pushed her not to fall deeper into the hole of her own mind.
AN: Seren's necklace
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To The Ones Who Can't Dream
Fanfiction'Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it." - Terry Pratchett What if there was another other-worldly being that had...