lost in my pain || 𝙃𝙐𝙀𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙆𝘼𝙄 ✔ [2]

just talk please

"I'm fine," I repeat again, folding my arms across my chest, standing in a defense stance towards my hyungs who were looking at me like they didn't believe me. "I just threw up, okay? That's totally fine."

"I know you still are in pain from Sik but you should've told us so we could have given you a break or painkillers." Yeonjun sighs, running his hand through his dyed hair.

"It's not from a concussion," I snap, "I just wasn't feeling all right, okay? So leave it alone," How could they not notice how annoyed I was during the filming? So no one saw how angry I was with Beomgyu? No one but me, myself and I? This just sucks. I let out a long breath, annoyed.

"Hyuka..." Soobin whispers softly but I ignore him by walking towards my bedroom I shared with Taehyun.

"Just talk with us," I turn around on my heel to face them.

"I don't want to talk!" I spit out angrily, grabbing a pillow from the couch and throwing it at him. His face expresses shock as he just stands there, holding the pillow. Yeonjun groans in fustration before walking up to me closer. "Would you just stop being so moody, Kai? We're trying to help you here,"

"You didn't help at all," I glare, not caring if I get angry anymore or in trouble.

"I don't think you should be singing Good Boy Gone Bad anymore, you're acting really rude." Soobin hyung mumurs, holding the pillow to his chest.

"What do you mean by not helping?"

"Oh, seriously?" I scoff, "I didn't want Beom hyung to take my letter, but you guys didn't stop him.."

"He always teases, you know that." Yeonjun notes, studying my face as if he was trying to figure it out.

"I give up. You're not listening to me." I whine, my fingers curling into angry fists.

"Yeah, we're trying to listen but just talk-" Yeonjun began. I shake my head, sprinting out of the room into Taehyun and I's room. He's sprawled on his bed, reading something on his phone. He looks up to see me sobbing. His eyes widen with concern.

"Hey Hyuka, what's wrong?" I swallow hard, trying to get myself to stop crying.

"They just won't listen to me!"

"Who?"

"Hyungs! They just won't listen!" I cry, as he gets to his feet and hugs me in his arms. I just want someone to believe me and actually listen.

"Shh, I'm here sweetheart. You can talk to me." He says in my ear, and I cry even harder. "You can let it out."

"I- I just was trying t-to get Beomgyu to st-stop from a-a-annoying me and they d-didn't c-care. W-w-why i-is it s-s-so-so hard to t-talk to them?" I choke on my words, squeezing his waist tightly. He stops rubbing my back, his own body stiffens. I turn my head and torso to see Beomgyu and the two other hyungs standing there in the doorway. They stare at me blankly like a piece of paper but I see tears filling their vision

"He doesn't want you here," Taehyun snarls, letting go of me except for my hand. He walks up to them and slams the door in their faces. I gasp, realizing he just had slammed it in their faces.

"Do you realize you just shut the door in their faces?" I ask, almost choking on my laughter.

"Yeah, oh well, who cares?" He waves his hand like he doesn't care but I know he cares, I can see it in his eyes. Of course my phone starts to ring and I huff irratatedly, wanting to throw it across the room. "You wanna check that?"

"Um, sure, I guess so," I sigh, looking at the phone ID. It's Bahiyyih. He leans to read it and he nods.

"You need to answer that,"

"Do you want me to stay or..?" I bite my lip thoughtfully, pointed at the door. "That's okay, if you want to be private."

"Thanks Hyun," He gives me a side hug and then walks out of the bedroom. I accept the phone call while walking over to lock the door.

"Hey," I say awkwardly.

"Hi oppa,"

"You don't have to do the respect thing, y'know. We're siblings."

"Um.. I just don't want to make you upset."

"It's okay, Hiyyih," I assure her, hoping she would stop messing around and just start talking to me what she wanted to talk about. "So what do you want to talk about?" I grab a plushie from my bed and hold it in my arms for comfort.

"Can we talk?"

"I'm talking to you now,"

"I mean, like, can we talk about four days ago... with your manager." My heart skips a beat but I bring it all together. You are stronger than that.

"I- I'm sorry, Bahiyyih, that you had to go through that," She sighs before speaking again.

"You sound a little stuffy, have you been crying?" I laugh, shaking my head because she knows practically everything. "Hyuka?"

"Bahiyyih, why do you always have to know?"

"Because you're my older brother, but can we talk? I would talk to you in person but the staff won't let me off-"

"Why not?" I ask, suspicion starting to rise.

"Our comeback, you goof."

"Oh."

"I just.. feel awful for not helping you. I could've just hit him with the award or.. done something to save you from getting hurt."

"No, it's okay, Bahiyyih, you couldn't do anything."

"You can't always be so strong, Kai,"

"I know," I whisper, guilt spreading throughout my body. I wish she had never been there.

"He kissed me, Kai, he kissed me." I swallow hard, knowing she's ready to cry.

"I'm sorry," Anger flowing through my veins. "I am so sorry."

"W-why would he kiss me? Hyuka, why would he kiss me?" I lean my head against the wall and let out a breath.

"I don't know, Bahiyyih. He's a monster," I mumble.

"He whispered something into my ear.. something I don't want to repeat but I think I should tell you."