lost in my pain || 𝙃𝙐𝙀𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙆𝘼𝙄 ✔ [2]

how do you know?

(this chapter switches between taehyun's pov and kai's)

We were entering the Hybe building when I literally bump into a Le Sserafim member who kept apologizing, bowing low several times and I kept doing the same. Bow after bow, making my ribs wince when Yeonjun slaps the back of my head gently and tells me to stop it. Fear suddenly makes me freeze at the thought of someone hurting me. I try to shake it away. Yeonjun would never hurt me. Why would I even think that? How stupid am I to think he would hurt me? He tells Yunjin to just keep walking because it doesn't matter.

"Well, we're going to be late for our meeting," Soobin mentions softly as he looks at the schedule in his hand and my face warms up in shame. He looks up at me. "It's not your fault, Hyuka, you're just way too kind for everyone." Taehyun pats my back comfortingly and I let out a breath before yawning.

"I'm still sorry," I say quietly, fear still in my veins.

"Alright, manager nim needs to talk to us," We reach the office and we all sit down in front of the desk and I try to stay awake as best as I can but I nearly fall over with sleepiness. Manager's next words made me completely awake.

"Guys.. I just need Kai for this part, so please leave," I stiffen in my chair as I watch my hyungs slowly get to their feet, looking at me concerned. "Don't worry he's going to be fine, it's just something we need to talk about." They close the door and I grab the arm rests trying to calm my erratic breathing down.

"Yunjin, come on in," He  calls and I stiffen even more if that's possible. She walks inside and slowly takes a seat beside me, wringing her hands together nervously.

"Why am I here?" I ask, swallowing hard, hoping it wasn't here for what i thought it was for. Manager looks at me and gives me a look that tells me its what i think it is.

"Yunjin, please explain..." She looks down, her eyes watering, making my own heart ready to cry.

"I.. uhm, Sik-nim-"

"He doesn't deserve the honorfics, Yunjin," Manager nim corrects gently, giving her a soft smile. The fear starts to rise as her words slowly close me in and I am ready to freak out and run away. She was hurt by him too. Just like me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, staring at the ground.

"N-no, I'm sorry too," She also whispers, her voice airy as if she's ready to break down and start bawling her eyes out.

"I'm going to leave now," Manager abruptly stands up, "I want you guys to talk to each other and just... I think it would be good for you to do this. For each other, okay?" I nod, my emotions everywhere.

We stare at each other and look away again. She clears her throat before saying, "I almost died," I lift my head to see her and she's crying.

"I almost killed myself," She gasps at my bluntness. "That's why I was at the asylum but the therapist was so mean...and Sik visited me but didn't allow the members."

"I'm sorry,"

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," She wipes a tear from her face and I swallow a lump in my throat.

"And I'm sorry you had to go through that even longer than me,"

---

Beomgyu, the hyungs and I were all trying to practice Blue Hour, or whatever the song was but Beomgyu kept messing up. I knew his thoughts were only thinking about Hyuka who could be crying at this point.

"Alright, stop, let's take a break," Yeonjun says quietly, walking over to the remote and turning off the music. We all stood there, panting from the exertion. I ran a hand through my sweaty hair, and watched the hyungs and the Beomgyu line walk over to get their water bottles from their bags. My vision unfocused and I took a step forward but nearly stumbled.

"Whoa!" Beomgyu gasped and ran over to me to steady me. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah," I shook my head to get rid of the blurriness. "I wish Hyuka was here." Beomgyu sighed, and looked over at Yeonjun and Soobin who slowly walked over to me.

"Have you eaten properly?" I opened my mouth but nothing came out so Beomgyu spoke instead.

"No, he said he wasn't hungry," I shot him a glare. He shrugged as the hyungs scolded me for not eating and drinking properly. "Sorry! I'm just nervous about Kai being alone!"

"What if he breaks down with manager-nim and he doesn't know how to help him??" I burst out, letting out my concerns. "What if he has a panic attack or hallucinates because our manager doesn't know when he's prodding too much?? He could be freaking out and we won't be there to help him!" They stare at me, trying to calm me down but I can't stop breathing in rapidly.

"I don't like this!" I whine, grabbing at my hair anxiously.

"No, no no, jagi, don't-" Yeonjun grabbed my hands gently and I tried to push him away but I was too upset to really use all my force.

"I don't want him to be alone," I cry, breathing faster, and I could barely hear what I even was saying. What was I doing? Why wasn't I helping Kai? Where was Kai? Was he okay?

"Hey, hey, Taehyunnie," Soobin stroked my hair comfortingly and I burst out into tears. "It's okay, manager won't hurt Hyuka, okay?"

"How do you know?" I whimper softly before wrapping my arms around Soobin hyung tightly. He was hesitant surprised that I first initiated it, but then wrapped his arms around me. "He could be crying,"

"He'll be okay, don't worry, Tae," The elder gently pats my hair to soothe me.

"How do you know? How do you know, hyung?" I pull a little away from him and look straight into his eyes. "How do you know?" He looks away for a second before looking at me with a new found determination.

"Don't worry. I know he's going to be okay because he has you. You, me, Yeonjun, and Beomgyu."