tw - slight mentions of abuse, mentions of attempted suicide, not detailed
MESS IT UP ACT TEN! - ' stars around my scars ' date - 04 / 08 / 2022
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"NOW PLEASE TELL ME WHAT'S going on," gracie gripped daisy's hands, pleading for an answer.
much to her surprise, daisy began crying. she hung her head, her hands shaking in gracie's hold. gracie reeled back slightly, both confused and concerned.
daisy tried stuttering out a response, but she was unable, gracie's hand slowly coming up to wipe the tears from her warm cheek, her dark eyes swimming with concern as a lump in her throat formed.
"i'm so all over the place i'm sorry." daisy sniffled through a sarcastic laugh, shaking her head as gracie quickly hushed her. "it's okay, this is all so new i don't expect you to suddenly be completely fine with it." she comforts her, rubbing a hand down her arm as daisy sighs.
she calmed down a bit, managing to stop crying as she rested her body weight against gracie, who held her securely, though she could still feel her tense slightly in her hold.
"it's kind of a long story- do you mind if we sit down?" daisy asks timidly, gracie nodding quickly. "of course, whatever makes you more comfortable." she says, and the pair walk to the living room, sitting beside eachother on the couch.
gracie sat quietly, giving daisy her full attention to talk. she clears her throat, attempting to figure out where to begin.
"alright, so, before we dated i was seeing this guy named matthew. it was on and off for a few months until we became exclusive. and at the start, it was exactly like ours was. it was this beautiful, just fucking magnificent thing we had. it was the kind where whenever one of us walked into a room we were the others sole and only priority no matter what they were doing before, where we had a secret language using only hand squeezes. it was perfect. it was perfect. until all of a sudden, it wasn't. it started simple, little arguments here and there. then it became bigger, the fights, the problems. all hell broke loose when we got in a huge fight where i accused him of cheating and he," she paused, clearing her throat momentarily. "slapped me across the face before storming out of my apartment." daisy said the last part as quickly as possible, gracie's hand covering her mouth at this, shocked. she was shellshocked daisy had never told her, and even more so that someone could ever even fathom doing that, especially to her.
"it only got worse after that. it escalated to the point he would hit me and within minutes be telling me he loved me more than anyone in the world. i was so blinded by the love i had for him i didn't see anything wrong after he apologized. he convinced me he still loved me and i stupidly believed him. it took august nearly a year to convince me to leave him, and it only happened after he threw a plate at me, smashing it against the wall behind me and slicing open my cheek." daisy explains, staring absentmindedly at the creme shag rug on her floor, ignoring gracie's eyes burning holes into her head.
"the wound from that relationship broke me to my core. i felt like nothing without him. it got to the point i was sent to a psych ward because i attempted to end my life." she says softly, hearing gracie softly sniffle as her hand runs over her knee, the thumb running back and forth over her kneecap. gracie's heart feels like it's being squeezed with every word spoken, a mix of the most unspeakable anger and sadness overtaking her entire body.
"and then you came along. my gracie. my teddy. i finally felt like i had something again. someone that was all mine. someone who made me feel like i was the only person in the entire world." daisy smiled slightly at this.
"i felt like i was finally healing, and not to be cheesy and quote fucking taylor swift or anything, but you truly drew stars around my scars. you were so gentle with me, i thought you had completely healed the wounds matthew had instilled so deep into me. so when everything crumbled, it wasn't just us, it was everything. you tore the wound from matthew so much deeper than it was before, it was death by a thousand cuts." daisy voice grew cold, gracie had her head in her hands, just sobbing. a pit of shame had burrowed into her stomach and made her feel like vomiting, a dark cloud of guilt swallowing her body whole.
"and when i went to see august- she," daisy tried, taking a deep breath as her heart hammered slightly. "she reminded me of that. of everything. i know you wouldn't ever lay a finger on me. god gracie, i know. but the way you continued saying you loved me even when i'm sure you had stopped-" gracie cut her off.
"i didn't stop!" she butted in through a flurry of her own tears. "i never stopped daisy, never. i swear to you." she grabbed daisy's hands in her own, holding them tightly as she forced daisy to look into her eyes, dark and miserable, and clouded with tears.
"i want us to work gracie. i want us to work more than anything else in the entire world. but i don't know if it's possible." daisy said grimly, gracie sucking in a breath as she sniffled, nodding.
there is silence between the girls for a few seconds, both collecting their thoughts.
"look, daisy." gracie breaks the silence, daisy refusing to look at her and instead keeping her eyes trained to the floor. "daisy, please." gracie's voice went up an octave, cracking.
daisy turned, looking to gracie. she felt like a hurt puppy, so untrusting and vulnerable.
"i know i hurt you. i can never fathom what i put you through, what i put everyone in your life through. i was scared. i was so fucking scared. i was such a coward. and i know that isn't an excuse in any way whatsoever, but i'll try to explain my thought process as clearly as possible. i was convinced you were going to find someone better, and by god did you deserve it, but if i committed i would only find myself in the same place i always do, alone and so incredibly hurt. i can never ask you to forgive me, daisy. i can never ask you to trust me. but all i can ask is that we try. just one more time. i promise with my entire soul i will not fuck it up. you were the best thing that ever happened to me, daisy. the absolute best. i cannot fathom not having you in my life for another second. i want to make up for all the time i lost. i want to be able to rebuild your trust in me, to give you everything you deserve. i promise i will never, ever hurt you the way i did again. i will do everything in my power to protect you from everything i can, okay?" gracie pours her heart out, her lip quivering as she watched daisy's expression carefully.
there is silence again, and gracie is sure she can hear her heart beating in her ears.
finally, daisy breaks the silence.
"alright. we can try." she says softly, letting out a soft breath before gracie scoots towards her, pulling her body into her hold.
for the first time in the longest time, she felt entirely secure and comfortable. the girls hold eachother in silence as the sun rises higher into the sky, the city beginning to awaken.
and there, sitting on that brown leather couch in the golden sunlight of daisy's living room, she was sure gracie would keep her promise.
¨*:·.༺༻.·:*¨
QUINNS NOTES hey.... hey...... how y'all doin.... only left for like 6 months! anyway kind of an angst filler vibe but whatever very happy to get back into writing!!! lmk what u liked what u didn't etc etc
