MARINA ONE-SHOTS

CHAPTER 20: If You Met Me First

Breath in. Breath out. Repeat the process until you're sure you won't throw yourself off a cliff.

I open my eyes and look down at the guitar in my hands. One more try. One more and then I'm done. If it doesn't work this time, I'll walk out the back door without letting my brother even know. I take a deep breath and pull on the A string to let it vibrate. The sound that it makes only makes me want to bang my head on a wall until my skull cracks in half. I've been trying to tune the string to an E major for the past twenty minutes and I got every other note on this planet except the one that I desperately need.

"Carina, you're up in ten." Andrea trods into the green room, acting all cool and composed, hands inside his pocket and a big smile on his face. Andrea- or Andrew– as he liked being called was my brother, not to mention my roommate and also the owner of this bar. Technically, we both were the owner, but he managed most of the expenses while I sat in my room and studied medical books and journals. Other than Andrea I have no friends. Yes, I know. I'm a loner.

"I don't think I'm performing today," I say and hit my head on my guitar. It hurts but hell, what else do I deserve?

I can hear Andrea sigh as he pulls up a stool and sits in front of me. I look up when he takes my guitar away and places it beside us on the floor.

"What's wrong, Car?" Andrea takes my hand in his.

"I can't get the tuning right. I'm pretty sure I'll mess up on stage." I say as I groan, "I have the whole university laughing at me already. I don't want a bar full of people to do the same."

"Look, Carina, honey. I know you're sad. But you need to move on from Maya." He states.

There now you know the cause of my blatant misery. Oh no, Maya wasn't my girlfriend. That's the thing. I was sad because she wasn't my girlfriend. You see, I have this massive and I mean– MASSIVE– crush on Maya Bishop. But, like every other cheesy romantic comedy, I was devoid of her presence in my life. And she hardly noticed me so that's pretty clear. I would never get Maya. See why I hate romance novels?

Maya Bishop was cool. Too cool for me. Too beautiful for me. She was just too much. Whereas me– I was nobody. I was nothing compared to the people she hung out with. As I said I was a loner. While people mess around at parties, I sit at home and study. So obviously a national league runner would never be mine.

"Easier said than done, Andrea," I tell him.

"Look, I know you Car. You're brave. You can do this." he says, "And like right now 'cause people are waiting."

I shake my head and put my head in my hands, "I try all the time! But it's just– it's difficult."

Andrea sighs again and gives me an apologetic smile, "I know. But right now you need to go out there. Maya may not notice you but those people in the bar do and they are waiting for you to sing. You have a beautiful voice, Carina. Not even a teeny-tiny teenage crush can change that. Now give yourself a pep talk and go. You know we need this bar to keep paying for college."

I smile at home because I knew he wasn't going to give up on me this easily. He'd pick my broken pieces off and put them back together no matter what.

As he walks out of the room I pick up my guitar and try tuning it. Incidentally, it tunes correctly. I laugh realizing Andrea's pep talk worked more on my guitar than on me.

Five minutes later I hear my brother announce my name and then in a rush of moments I'm sitting in the middle of the stage on a stool, in front of a bar full of people. I've done this many times. I'm his only singer to get this bar going and I'm good enough. I adjust the microphone to my height and let my eyes do a quick sweep over the crowd. There's a single moment when my heart simply stops. It stops pumping blood; I feel like my lungs are denying the air that's going through my nose when my eyes fixate on a familiar pair of blue eyes, I've seen for the past four years and I'm pretty sure I won't be tired of seeing them every day.