No one ever said that it would be this hard

Chapter 21

♾️ Betty ♾️

October

After that day, things changed.

Despite having talked about what happened the day we lost Juliet, Jughead was different — he wasn't able to get back on track. I caught him going to the White Wrym more often, he even took his Southside Serpent jacket. He didn't wear it at home but surely outside. He didn't drink at home though, even if his breath smelled like it all the time. No, kept it out of home, out of my reach.

Nevertheless I noticed things.

"Juggy?" I asked and he hummed, stopping to play with my hair. We were laying in bed, enjoying the late Saturday morning. My head was resting on his chest and his other arm was wrapped around my waist, his hand resting on my stomach — searching for something that wasn't there anymore.

"What is?" Jughead asked when I didn't answer. I hesitated and then sat up. Furrowing his brows, he sat up as well.

"Don't- lie right now, please"

"Of course not"

"I know that you're drinking"

"Okay...?" Jughead said hesitantly.

"And I don't want you to"

"Okay"

"I don't like when our kisses smell like alcohol. I'm not comfortable with it"

"I'm sorry, Betty" Jughead exhaled, reaching for my hand to intertwine our fingers "if you're uncomfortable with it, then I won't drink anymore"

That's not why I wanted him to stop but it didn't matter why he did it as long as he stopped drinking entirely.

"Jug, you home?" I called, walking into the house after work. He hummed and I heard noises from the kitchen, so I put off my jacket and hung it up before walking over there. Jughead was standing in the kitchen, making some food at the stove. Though I noticed an half empty beer bottle on the counter close to him.

"You're back home early" Jughead said, turning around to face me. I hummed, walking over to him to get a kiss before I pointed to the beer. He smelled like alcohol.

"What's that, Jug?"

"A beer bottle?"

"I thought that you didn't want to drink"

"Look, Betts, I..." he sighed, wrapping an arm around me to draw me closer, though I pulled away from him.

"You smell like alcohol" he turned away from me to go back to cooking "talk to me, Jug. What is wrong? What's going on?" I asked, wrapping my arms around him from behind. He stayed quiet, continuing to work on the food.

"God, just say something" I said, groaning. He finished the food before turning down the stove. Jughead sighed and then turned back around to face me.

"I'm sorry, okay?" He asked, reaching for my hands "I really am. I just- Betts, I'm trying but right now, it's just- it's just really hard you don't understand this. But I'm trying, really"

"I don't see you trying"

"I am, Betty. I promise. I know that I messed up, that I am messed up. But please. Don't- Don't be mad. We can't fight, not about this"

"Stop drinking then"

"I'm trying"

"Then try harder!" He looked at me and then just drew me closer, cupping my face.

"I will, okay? Just give me time"

"Fine, but you don't have forever"

"I know"

🖤❤️🖤

"You're turning into your dad" I said the next time that we had a fight about it. It was just a usual evening but he was drinking one bottle of beer after the other one. I didn't say anything the first two times.

"I'm not" he mumbled, getting out of the couch before walking in the kitchen to get the next beer. I followed him, stopping him from taking a fourth one.

"You are. You are drinking too much and you don't stop" I said and he exhaled deeply.

"Fine. I am. What do you want to hear from me? Betty, I can't anymore. I feel like I'm loosing my footage every new morning and my brain is just- buzzing all the time. And I can't stop anymore. It helps me to not feel like a complete failure"

"Then talk to me, Jug! No reason to- I can help you. I know that it's probably hard but you can't put it on everyone else. Deal with your shit or I'm gone" he immediately froze.

"What?"

"I need a break. Not only from you but from everything. I already called my mom and I'll stay there for the next time. You need to get your shit together"

This is not how I wanted to tell him and it was more just a plan B if things really weren't working out. My mom just said that, since we lost the baby — she figured that out when I went to work back at the Riverdale register — I was welcome home again.

"Betts" he said, grabbing me.

"No"

"Betty, don't do this. We can fix this, together. I can't do that alone. I can change, I swear. I will stop. Please. Give me another chance"

"No, Jug. I'm done giving you chances. I can't keep on watching you drink. So I just need a break until you get it under control, okay? I can't right now"

"Betty, please. I need you"

"Apparently I'm not enough"

"Betts, please" Jughead said, pulling me even closer to him "don't leave me too. Please, please" he begged, pulling me even closer.

"I can't, I'm sorry" I took his hands and pulled him away from me "I will pack my clothes and then leave before this evening. Do whatever you want or need but please keep your distance from me until you got this under control again"

I played with the thought for the last few days. Till then Jughead was reason enough to stay here but with the constant fighting, it just wasn't anymore.

A part of me already knew that it was the wrong idea back then. All through our relationship, Jughead was there to take care of me. He protected me when necessary and made sure that I was safe and okay. Especially once he found out that I was pregnant. It was annoying, yes, but he just wanted the best for me. Now that he had needed me, I pushed him away.

With a suitcase, I walked downstairs again. Jughead just quietly reached me my jacket, helping me to pull it on.

"Thank you, Jug" he just nodded again "I'll... I'll see you soon. I will text you, to check up on you, okay?"

Another nod.

I should have never left him.

I was so stupid.