No one ever said that it would be this hard

Chapter 31

♾️ Jughead ♾️

"What do you want for dinner?" Betty asked. We were still on the couch after hours of just sitting there. At some point, she turned on the TV and then I just scooped her closer to me.

"I'm not hungry"

"You haven't eaten since lunch" I didn't even have that, or breakfast for that matter "so what do you want?"

"D-Don't care"

"Okay. What about... some yogurt and fruits?" She suggested.

"Sure. I really don't c-care. Just chose something" she nodded and then got out of my grasp to walk over to the kitchen. Over the next few minutes, I just sat on the couch, going on my phone again. Betty was cutting something in the kitchen before putting it in a bowl. Then she came back with two bowls in her hand and put them down on the coffee table at the couch. Betty sat down next to me and reached me one of the bowls while taking the second for herself. I mostly just stirred the yogurt with my spoon but also ate a bit.

I just wasn't that hungry.

I noticed Betty's eyes on me but she didn't say anything. Once she was finished, she put her bowl on the coffee table again before hesitantly scooting closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Don't you want to eat a bit more?" She whispered, not facing me though. I exhaled.

"I'm not really hungry, Betty" I explained, putting the half empty bowl on the coffee table as well, leaning back on the couch again.

I didn't get rest though. My stomach was doing twists and I curled more into myself until I eventually got up to go to the bathroom and throw it all up again. When I heard Betty coming, I shut the door and locked it before returning to the toilet.

"Jug? Everything okay?" She asked and I hummed, trying to make a pause, so she wouldn't worry too much "hey, open the door for me, okay?"

"No, it's fine, d-don't worry" I said and then heard footsteps. She walked away. I didn't know why but I just started crying, grabbing my hair in order to stop the shaking.

♾️ Betty ♾️

I let ten minutes pass before I walked back over to the bathroom, knocking on the door another time.

"Hey, are you still in there?" I asked and he hummed, sniffing "okay, let me in, please. I can help you" there was nothing for two minutes before the door got unlocked. When I walked in, Jughead was sitting on the ground, knees pulled to his chest again. He shook, taking a deep breath. I closed the door behind me and then walked over to him. His body shook again as he inhaled.

"What happened?" I asked. He shrugged.

"Just- I felt nauseous and t-threw up"

"Okay" I nodded and grabbed a washcloth before I washed it with cold water. I wrung it out and then kneeled down in front of him in order to wipe his face, wiping off his tears on the same go.

"There you go" I said, putting the wash cloth in the wash basin. Jughead wrapped his hand around my hand again, not letting go either. Though he didn't say anything, so I just sat down next to him.

"You know, you don't have to lie to me, not about your well-being" I said after some time. He nodded.

"I know"

"So why do you do it? I will figure it out anyways" I asked and he shrugged, curling up on himself again. I didn't want him to go back into a panic attack, so I tried to distract him. 

"How about we go to the living room? I'm sure that the tiles are cold" he hesitated, though then nodded. I got up first, pulling him with me since he still held my hand. We walked over to the living room and sat down on the couch instead, Jughead in the corner and I next to him.

"Should I turn on the TV?" I suggested. Maybe it would help him to get distracted from today. It had seemed to be a rough day, with this here being the second panic attack. Jughead exhaled shakily, pulling the blanket further up as he leaned back. Five minutes later, his head was rested against my shoulder and when I looked down, he was asleep.

I let him sleep for an hour. During that time, he scooted closer to me until he was laying halfway on me. When he did wake up, he just stirred at the start, still holding onto me.

"Betty...?" He whispered and I hummed "what time is it...?"

"Eight"

"What happened?"

"You had a panic attack in the bathroom after throwing up from dinner and then fell asleep on me"

"Oh" he sat up "sorry that I fell asleep on you. You could have just pushed me off or so"

"You're barely getting any sleep, I'm happy about every hour that you get" — every hour that we get. We aren't that close anymore, so I'm glad about every moment that we get.

"Hey, Jug?" He hummed "why are you not eating?" I was careful to watch for signs of a new panic attack but for now, he was normal.

"I do eat. I just- can't get my normal routine back again. I just eat over night, and I'm in my room over the day because I sleep then. Don't worry. And t-today, I was just nauseous. Maybe I'm getting sick or so" he shrugged, shooting me a weak smile.

Fake smile.

"I trust you, Jug" I said, reaching for his hand, though he didn't do something and just pulled his hands back, rocking closer to the corner of the couch. We stayed like that for a while and eventually, Jughead relaxed and came closer again.

At some point, I just snuggled up to him and he surprisingly let me, just putting a blanket over us while I rested my head on his shoulder, already falling asleep for a few seconds.