No one ever said that it would be this hard

Chapter 35

♾ Betty ♾

"Jug?" I asked, walking over to him on the couch. It had been three hours, so I decided to wake him up. Jug was still sleeping on the couch, though he didn't look that good anymore.

"Jug, wake up" I said again as I shook him some more. Eventually he woke up, sitting up quickly as he looked around. His hand went up to the hem of his hoodie as he pulled on it, breath heavy. I reached for his other hand, squeezing it. He squeezed back, focusing on his breathing as I tried to breathe louder to make it easier for him.

"Nightmare?" I asked once he had calmed down. He nodded, swallowing "should I grab a glass of water for you?" He nodded again, so I got up in order to go to the kitchen. I filled a glass with water before walking back to the couch and giving it to Jughead.

"T-Thanks" he choked out, sipping on it.

"What was it about?" I asked, after giving him some more time. Though Jughead just shook his head.

"What-" he swallowed "why did you wake me up?"

"The doctor appointment is soon. I wanted to give you some time to get ready" I explained and he nodded.

"Thanks"

"Have you slept the whole night here?"

"No, I slept in bed. And then went downstairs to go and make a tea. But I guess, I fell asleep again" he said, driving a hand through his hair.

"Have you had breakfast then?" I asked and he shook his head.

"No but I'm not really hungry either. I'll just make another tea" he said and I squeezed his hand again.

"You sure that you don't want to go to the doctor? I mean, you've been sick for over a week now...." He shook his head.

"No, I'm fine, don't worry"

When I got ready to leave, Jug grabbed a multivitamin juice bottle from the fridge before walking over to me. He helped me slip on my jacket, even though I could have easily done it myself, before he pulled on his own. Then he grabbed the car keys and we walked outside.

It thankfully didn't take too long. Shortly after one hour, we were back in the car. It was just a check-up because last week some parameters weren't that good. Today they were normal again though — or at least not worrisome anymore. We took a quick stop at Pops, though we only got the food before heading home. I went in the kitchen to eat while Jughead went in his bedroom.

❤️🖤❤️

Around 7pm, when I just wanted to go to the kitchen to make dinner, Jug came downstairs again. At first he silently followed me, sitting down on a chair at the table and watching me.

"Betty?" He asked at some point. I hummed, continuing to cut vegetables "you know how Archie was here yesterday?"

"Yes, of course" Jughead stayed quiet again and when I turned around to face him, he was fidgeting with his fingers, not meeting my eyes "what is with him? Did something happen yesterday?" I asked, hoping it would bring him back, so that he would tell me.

"No. Maybe. I don't know. We talked, about some stuff... and he- he wanted that I tell you some things because you're worrying nevertheless..." he stayed quiet again.

"Tell me about what?"

"That... uh... That I'm not doing that good"

"Believe me, I've noticed, Jug"

"I can't sleep anymore, Betts"

"It's hard to not see that"

"Can you just listen? Please? I- I can't sleep and I have nightmares. So I was trying to just sleep over the day or so but it isn't really working"

"How was it when I slept with you?"

"I don't know yet... but I sleep better on the couch when you're around, just doing things, I guess" he shrugged "I do feel calmer around you, I always did. But now there's... Now there's this other feeling too and that makes me uneasy. I don't know what it is but I can't stop it..."

"Was it always there or did this also only start to happen after I had told you to leave?" I asked even though I probably already knew the answer.

"Only after our breakup..." I nodded "but I didn't want to worry you, so I just went into my room whenever it got too much. I thought that this would fix things but you still worry and I didn't notice... I'm sorry" So he was feeling bad every time that he just disappeared in his room for hours or even days?

"I know that I should have told you sooner. About all of it — the nightmares, the panic attacks, me relapsing but I was just afraid. I can't have you leave me again. I can't. But Archie said that I shouldn't hide things from you either" Jughead just started to speed up even more to the point where I barely understood anything towards the end.

"Jug, please try to breathe and start again. You were talking really fast and I barely understood anything" I said, walking over and taking his hands in mine. He nodded, inhaling deeply before exhaling.

"I know that I kept things from you. And I didn't want to make you worry, really, so I'm sorry"

"It's okay. I know that you're trying. I mean, look at how far we've come already in this past little bit over a month"

"We're talking again"

"And you haven't stuttered at all this whole conversation"

"I didn't...?"

"No, you didn't. Look, Jug. I know that it's hard. But we deal with that. Like we always do. We dealt with worse stuff — together. And if you're up for that, if you want, then I will help you here too, whatever it is" he nodded hesitantly.

"I would like that" I smiled.