FBI (For Basic Idiots) [FemStiles&Derek]

Everyone That Isn't You

The Opinionater:
‘Call me. NOW.’

Stiles answers her phone halfway through the first vibration. She’s so excited, but first of all – “Um, how dare you change my name to ‘The Opinionater’ when you are literally the most opinionated person on this planet.”

Lydia huffs, ignores her friend’s complaints by voicing her own on top instead. “I told you NOT to do that! It’s creepy.”

Stiles scoffs, is smirking to herself as she replies. “You talk to dead people on a regular basis, but me taking a quick peak into your mind to see if you’re still awake creeps you out?”

“I do NOT... OK, I talk to dead people.” Lydia huffs out her defeat.

Stiles smirks, because she can hear the wine being poured out. “You’re like a cool version Allison Dubois.”

“Is she the one from the show ‘Medium’?” Lydia asks, only half interested as she finally gets to sit down and have a moment to herself. She loves her kid, but damn, Allie really does have too much energy (even for a 3 year old.)

“Yeah.”

“Hm... So?” Lydia asks, sounds rather impatient.

“So, what?” Stiles blinks, because what?

Lydia makes a noise that sounds like half a snort of amusement and half an annoyed huff. “You asked me to call you, Miss Zero Attention Span.”

“Oh, shit! Yes!” Stiles is grinning like a fool, but at least no one is there to see her as she practically skips up the stairs to Melissa’s guest room (practically Stiles’ and Scott’s bedroom for whenever they decide to stay.)

“Ooo, you sound happy.” Lydia seems to perk up with deep intrigue and Stiles can hear the amusement so clearly in her tone as speaks again. “Did you finally get laid? ‘Cause I gotta say, Stiles, 9 months without getting any is pretty pathetic.”

Stiles scoffs. “I literally saw you half hour ago, HOW would I have gotten laid? With WHO??”

“Didn’t Derek give you a ride home?” Lydia lets out a mischievous cackle. “How would I know if you gave him a ride right back in kind or not? I’m not actually psychic, like you.”

“Oh, my God. Stop. And I’m not psychic. I can’t see the future OR read minds.” Stiles groans, feels her stupid cheeks heating up even while there’s nobody here to see her. Stiles ignores her laughs, finally just spits it out. “He asked me out.”

“Who?” Lydia sounds genuinely confused.

Stiles lets out an exasperated huff. “Derek!” She hisses before throwing herself face first into the bed. “Derek asked me out on a date.” Stiles lifts her head, scowling in confusion to herself when there’s a small silence that follows her words. “You still there, Red?”

“Yeah, I’m still here. I was pouring myself another, because halle-frigging-lujah!” Lydia cheers before loudly taking a few gulps of her wine to celebrate.

“Um, what?”

Lydia scoffs loudly, takes another couple of gulps of wine before answering. “Now that the wolf’s finally outta the bag – my God, Stiles, you really are the dumbest intelligent person I’ve ever met.”