The 8 millennia divorce
Written by auski97 and rick_delinquent
Samuel hayden and doomman are divorced angrily, written by two different people.
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A scientis heard that he had job of putting up decircations fro a party he didnty know wha t party though, so he gout lots of angry birds decor from party city and put it up in a room.
After finishing decorating the room a knock could be heard on the door. "Special delivery!" said a delivery driver. The scientist would run over to the door opening it, being met with a big ol fucken banner. "Thank you, sir!" He would take the banner and close the door.
He hung upp banner and it vERY beautiful looking.... except kt saay.
H
hAPPY DIVERCE on it!!!!!!
He look at it and was liek.... "hmmmmm this seem off"
Then it would hit him like a ton of bricks made of diamond. "DIVORCE??!!!??!" The poor scientist would cry out. He wanted to punch himself so badly. The party he was decorating for wasn't some "fun" party; in fact, it was for a divorce. "I'm going to lose my job, I'm going to lose my job, I'm going to lose my jo-" The sound of a door opening would startle the poor guy.
"Heelo everyone i am the doom man from hit vidoe game series "DOOM". I am nhere for divorv" doomman, from the hit video game series,, "DOOM", soon realikzed that the room was VBERY VERY OFF...................................... IT WA S AMGRY BIRB!!!! He wuz a little bit diszapponted...... but he thkgt it was kind of vcreativ e so he didnt kil the sientist....
The scientist was shivering his timbers, afraid of how the "monster" in front of him was going to react. Instead of being met with yelling, or even worse getting ripped apart the marine would just sigh. "I'll let this slide, but if it happens again I will throw you out the window." he said in an intimidating tone. This scared the poor guy shitless and doomguy could tell. "I was kidding, I wouldn't throw you out the window." "Maybe against the wa-" Before doomguy could finish the scientist ran out of the room. "Huh, ok."
SOOO N the rohbot name SAMUL HAYDNE walked in the room........ He very tall / he walked s through the dorr and hits his massive robotic bald head onthe door frame... "YEEEOOWWWCH" saMUL screamed even thought he can t feel pain what a dumb ass.... LOLOLOL!!!! Ajyway he ogt through the door, HE SMEL T THAT ZAZA............ the scientist mustve ebeen smoking THAT ZAZA.......................... ANMD THEN JE SAW THE AMRGY BIRDS SHIT STUFF SWROUND THE ROOOOM...........
"WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE FUCK?!" Samuel Hayden shouted perplexed at the room. "Aye watch your fucking tone old man." Doomguy would angrily spit out at Hayden. "Shut your mouth." Samuel would say back at the smaller man. "Whatever asshole." The two would sit at the angry bird themed table. It was clear that the energy in the room went from normal to sour very quickly.
"Waow doomman...............": samul haden sakid quite horrienbly "you are a stinky perlson also i did youre mom" samul sayed to doomman.. DOOMMAN WASNT VERY HAPPUY...
"LoISten jere you fucking D ICK!!!!" ddoomman said, pointing a kid named finger towards ssauml... "fuck uou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" HE SAID< FLIPPING TJJE BIRD AT SAMU!!!!
Samuel wasn't surprised at the reaction he got. He knew how to anger the slayer easily without having to bring up his dead pet. If he did he would've been turned into a rubix cube. "It's a little pathetic how you try to get to me, Slayer." He would calmly talk to the angry man. "Your argent energy plan was a failure." "Shut the fuck up-" Samuel would slam his fist down on the table, surprising the slayer. He would compose himself. "I'm sorry for that, it was rather, "Unintelligent" of me to do that." He tried to say that calmly but it couldn't hide the slight fear in his tone. Unfortunately the slayer picked up on that.
Tje slayzer...... kindof FELT PITY for this man?????????????? Despite this, DOOMMAN SMACKS SAMULS BALD ASS HEAD!!!!!!!!!!1111!!1 "LOOOOOOLLLLL GET REKT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" DOOMMAN YELLS!!!!!! XD!!!! "UGH YOU FUCKIGN DICK!!!!!!1" SAMUL YELLED BACK
SAMALUL HANED SMACKED DOOMMAN!!!!!!!! ON HIS BALLS OUCH THT MUSTVE HURT!!!!!1 THEY STARTA WHOLE GOT DAMN WWE MATCH@!!!! THIS IS THE EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYU!!!! SAMUL HADN VERSUS DOOMMAN!!! THEYRE RAPPING AND FIGNTHING !!!!!
After a long rap battle that was just basically insults being thrown at each other and terrible rhymes they both agree that they really just hate each other. Maybe that's the real reason why the divorced happened. They sat back down after the entire ordeal, wishing the day would end already so they could go back to whatever they were doing and continue on with their lives. The silence between the two was almost suffocating. It was a very, very painful silence.
SUDDELY, doomman took out none other than a.... XBOX 360!!!!!!!!!111 "HEEEYYY SAMUUULLLLL LETZ PLAY ON THE XBOX LOOOLOLOLOL!!! XD!!!!!!" DOOMMAN SAIS LOUDLY ANX EXIETLEDLY!!!!! "THIZ IS SOOOOO BORING WE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE FUN!!!!!!111" XP he so sillyyyyy!!!! Doom man plugged ithe xbox into the angry birds themed TV, givingf a controler to SAMUL... they played COD on splitcscreen and yelled attt 8 year oldz on the other team........
After spending hours on COD they decided to finally come onto the agonizing topic. Their lives after the divorce. "So... What have you been doing, Slayer?" The cyborg would question in a cold tone. "I've been doing pretty well! Got a new job to take out a few demons at a research base. Too bad the pay is absolute shit though." The Slayer would grab a bottle of an unknown amber colored drink and pour himself a glass. The robot was confused on what the slayer was pouring but shrugged it off for now. "I've been able to do more work with the ARC to make more preventative measures so demons don't try to take over earth, but it is rather stupid knowing you're still around." Samuel replied in his usual calm tone.
SAMUL lookedzz at the angry bribsb themed d BOOOKCASE and piled out a cook book..... AOUT COOKING DEMONZQ!!!!! XP!!!!! Doomman AND SAMUL read the book..................................................................................... And they came across a page about cooking cacodemomnz... and samul was like i wonder how this woudls taste yh'know... and all the other sheeit. They slowly drfited off to another topic....
"Doomslayer, May I ask you something?" "Huh??" The slayer would choke out after drinking another glass of the amber liquid.
"Oh uhh,,, I think marauder" He paused for a moment "then again he doesn't taste that horrible." It took a bit for doomguy to realize what he said, once he did he wished he could disappear right then and there.
After a long silence the cyborg would break it with one simple word.
"What?"
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yeah no words to explain the utter shithole this fanfic is
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The eight millennium divorce (DOOM FANFIC)
Hayran KurguDo not take this seriously at all. There is literally nothing here that makes sense I swear to absolute makyr.
