Unexpected love - Mattheo Riddle

39

Dear diary,

I haven't written in this journal since I started going to Hogwarts or something like that

I used to love it here at this school, with my brother, best friend, their friends and my wonderful now ex boyfriend.
I also used to love doing magic, now it reminds me of something I want to forget about.

It all changed when I killed Voldemort.
We celebrated Christmas, is was great. Went back to school, I even moved into Mattheo's room.
That was until I found out almost everyone I trusted knew that my mother is still alive and well, living in New York.
I took her magic, her power, but what I did not take is her life.
I feel incredibly betrayed, i should've known that I couldn't trust them.
Malfoy's shouldn't be trusted in the first place.
Now I am here, laying in my old room waiting for Pansy to come back.
One last girls night and then I'll leave this place behind and I don't even want to look back. This place made me feel alive, but it killed me all over again.
I was destined to feel numb, destined to fail in this miserable thing that I call my life.

Our love was doomed, I should have known that something so unexpected, would never succeed.
It was all a just a dream I believed in too much, so much that it completely consumed me and after that it shattered my entire heart into a million pieces.

Was I really in love with him?
Am I still?
Of course I am, he was perfect.
Is it just the idea of him?
Am I in love with the idea of love?
I might be.
I didn't even know that I was capable of such thing.
How could I ever love someone? Especially someone like him.

Was it really a mistake? Or did it made me stronger like 'killing my mother' did?
It probably did.
Should I let him explain why he did what he did? Should I give him a second chance?
Maybe I should, people make mistakes, right?

I don't know, I don't want to know.
All I do know is that I really want to get fucking wasted tonight and I don't want to remember or feel a single fucking thing.
It seems like there's nothing more than pain in my life, but there is right?
There's real, unconditional love. Does something like that truly exist? Did he truly love me? I know I loved him.
Did he lie because he wanted me to be save? To protect me?
I can protect myself right?
I don't need his or anyone else's...

"What are you writing?" Pansy asks as she walks in with a lot of food.
"Just my feeling, thought it might help." I answer truthfully.
"Why did it take so long?" I ask as I close my journal and but it down on the nightstand.
"Ran into the golden trio, apparently they're worried." She says
"They never cared." I respond as we start eating.
"Please tell me you have some sort of alcohol or drugs." I say after swallowing my first bite.
"I don't but the boys do." She says
"I can't." I reply
"I meant just Theo, Enzo and Blaise." She says before scoffing "you really think I'd even look at those fucking pricks again. I'll cut their tiny dicks off and glue it to their heads before ever speaking to them again." She says and I laugh, causing her to laugh a bit too.
"You know what, we should get really fucked up, like black out drunk and run away from all the shit they've put us through." I say smirking, Pansy immediately agrees and calls one of the boys to come over to our room.

"I hear there's a Gryffindor party, if we run out of booze we could always stop by." I say as I fall down onto the bed.
"Sounds good." Pansy answers as she falls down next to me.

I stare at the ceiling again, it's bizarre that a ceiling can make me experience so many kinds of emotions.
Like really, really bizarre.

After a few minutes the boys arrive and they immediately start pouring shots.

"To Ev, for being the baddest bitch I've ever met." Pansy says as she raises her glass.

This is what actual love feels like.
Just some friends, getting fucked up together, laughing, not giving a fuck.
I am sure Pansy is my platonic soulmate, we are the best friend duo this school has known.

"Do you think Astoria is prettier then I am?" Pansy asks after many shots
"It doesn't matter really." I answer
"Why?" She asks
"Our goal is not to be pretty, it is to be iconic." I say smiling, she immediately smiles back at me.
"You two are both prettier then Greengrass." Blaise says
"I knew." I say and we all chuckle.

"We should crash the Gryffindor party." Enzo says
"We have the same mind." I say as I get up and grab Pansy's hand to help her up.

As we walk up the moving stairs we almost fall off a million times but we survived and get to the Gryffindor common room alive.

When we enter I see Hermione and Ron kissing, Harry is standing alone in a corner. Strange.

"I'll be with Harry!" I shout as I walk up to him.
"Hi!" I shout. Hugging him
"Evelyn, I didn't think I'd see you here." He says confused
"Me neither, I was leaving but getting drunk seemed like more fun." I respond
"Are you alright?" He asks
"Never been better!" I shout over the music.
"Mattheo and Draco both knew!" I shout, hurt in my voice totally coming through.
"I guess they don't deserve you after all." He answers.

"Hey Potter? Come dance with me!" I shout as I pull him into the crowd
"Where's Ginny?" I ask
"Kissed some boy in three broomsticks earlier today." He says
"Kiss me." I whisper in his ear
"What?!" He shouts
"You heard me, you want her to be jealous right Harry?"
"You're drunk Evelyn!" He shouts
"You should be too!" I shout back
"Fuck this." He mumbles before pulling in to kiss me.
"Get off of her Pottah!" I hear my brothers voice as the music turns off and the lights turn back on.
"Don't you dare touch my girl like that!" Mattheo shouts
"I'm not your girl Riddle, nor am I his sister." I say as I look at them full of disappointment.
"Potter, really? You would sink that low." Mattheo scoffs
"At least he isn't a fucking liar." I say coldly before letting Harry go, I don't even want to kiss him.
"I hate you." I say as I walk up to them
"You do not." Mattheo says
"Read my mind Riddle, you'll know exactly how I feel."

And he does.
After a few seconds the look on his face changes, he knows exactly what I want him to know. He forgot I can control it, he thinks I'll never talk to him again but the truth is that I could never do that.
I still love him, he's still the only person that makes me feel save.

He looks furious.
"Like I said, I fucking hate you both." I say as I walk up to the speaker, turning it back on.