I'm Not Who You Think

Chapter 14: faking.

Chapter 14: Faking

It's funny, isn't it-

How time changes,

Without us even realizing.

I remember reading a quote once,

That went, "It's funny how,

Day by day nothing changes,

But when we look back,

Everything's different."

I think about that quite often.

Life has been dull the past few weeks.

Or maybe it's just because I'm numb again.

I guess I could say things have gotten bad again.

But they've always been bad,

So I don't think that really matters.

Sam and I have started talking again.

Hanging out more.

She asks about Jake,

And although it hurts to think about,

I act like I have no idea what happened.

"People just move on, Sam,"

I tell her,

Hoping that I can maybe believe it myself.

It isn't like we don't see each other.

I see him in the hall,

And he sees me.

We steal glances,

But it is never anything more than that.

Our old friend Taylor has started hanging around again.

I mean, I don't mind.

She's just...

I don't know how to put it.

She's Taylor.

Blonde, preppy, popular.

Everything I'm not.

I'm not jealous,

Although it may seem like it.

It seems as if I'm back to my old life.

Going through each day,

Barely making it out of bed,

Hoping that I don't wake up the next day.

But faking it.

Every day,

I fake that same smile.

I pretend that everything is okay.

*****

I crawl out of bed,

My alarm blaring in my ear.

In a hurry, I turn it off,

And make my way to the shower.

I sit there,

Letting the hot water pour over me,

Until it starts to turn cold.

I barely notice it turning cold,

And when I step out of the shower,

For the first time in over a month I look at myself,

In the mirror.