I'm Not Who You Think

Chapter 16: begin again.

How is someone supposed to forget everything,

And just accept someone for who they are?

How am I supposed to be able to tell Jake,

That I love him too.

After all the things,

He's put me through.

It took a lot in me.

That day,

Was one I know I'll never forget.

Not in a million years.

I won't forget the sad look in Jakes eyes.

I won't forget how scared he looked.

How he was more afraid of telling me,

That he loved me,

Than he was afraid of dying.

There's something about the way,

When a boy looks at you,

Finally tells you he loves you,

After you've been waiting to hear it for so long.

There's something about the way,

His face changes,

His eyes light up,

And you know he means it.

And you know he's happy because,

If he said it,

Of course you're going to say it.

I'll remember that faint crooked smile,

That started to appear.

How his blue eyes seemed so bright.

And how the butterflies flapped around,

So rapidly in my stomach.

He looked so happy...

That is until I walked away.

I couldn't look at this broken boy.

And tell him how much he meant to me.

Because that would just mess everything up.

Instead,

I took a deep breath and whispered,

"Goodbye Jake."

It was hard to walk away.

And I know I'll seem heartless for this.

But sometimes,

The hardest thing and the right thing.

Are the same.

****

"Stevie. I'm out of the hospital I just thought I'd let you know. I miss you... Please text me back. We haven't talked in days... I just... Well you know..."

That's the seventh text Ive gotten from Jake,

In the past two days.

I haven't really replied.

Except to make sure he's feeling better.

I need to distance myself.

Before I fall too much harder.

Somehow it's okay.

I'm convincing myself that,

He and I can just be friends.